* * * * * From the Great North of Scotland Railway's advertisement in _The Aberdeen Daily Journal_:-- "A train will leave Aberdeen at 7.30 p.m. for Aberdeen." Thus enabling the cautious Aberdonian to improve his mind by travel at a minimum of expense. * * * * * THE COMPLETE DRAMATIST. _Introductory._ I take it that every able-bodied man and woman in this country wants to write a play. Since the news first got about that Orlando What's-his-name made L50,000 out of _The Crimson Sponge_, there has been a feeling that only through the medium of the stage can literary art find its true expression. The successful playwright is indeed a man to be envied. Leaving aside for the moment the question of super-tax, the prizes which fall to his lot are worth striving for. He sees his name (correctly spelt) on 'buses which go to such different spots as Hammersmith and West Norwood, and his name (spelt incorrectly) beneath the photograph of somebody else in _The Illustrated Butler_. He is a welcome figure at the garden-parties of the elect, who are always ready to encourage him by accepting free seats for his play; actor-managers nod to him; editors allow him to contribute without charge to a symposium on the price of golf balls. In short he becomes a "prominent figure in London Society"--and, if he is not careful, somebody will say so. But even the unsuccessful dramatist has his moments. I knew a young man who married somebody else's mother, and was allowed by her fourteen gardeners to amuse himself sometimes by rolling the tennis-court. It was an unsatisfying life; and when rash acquaintances asked him what he did he used to say that he was reading for the Bar. Now he says he is writing a play--and we look round the spacious lawns and terraces and marvel at the run his last one must have had. However, I assume that you who read this are actually in need of the dibs. Your play must be not merely a good play but a successful one. How shall this success be achieved?