But there is still another way of avoiding the soliloquy, which is sometimes used with good results. It is to let _Hamlet_, if that happens to be the name of your character, enter with a small dog, pet falcon, mongoose, tame bear or whatever animal is most in keeping with the part, and confide in this animal such sorrows, hopes or secret history as the audience has got to know. This has the additional advantage of putting the audience immediately in sympathy with your hero. "How _sweet_ of him," all the ladies say, "to tell his little bantam about it!" If you are not yet tired (as I am) of the _Prince of Denmark_, I will explain (for the last time) how a modern author might re-write his speech. _Enter_ Hamlet _with his favourite boar-hound._ _Ham. (to B.-H.)_ To be or not to be--ah, Fido, Fido! That is the question--eh, old Fido, boy? Whether 'tis nobler in--how now, a rat! Rats, Fido, _fetch_ 'em--in the mind to suffer The slings and--_down_, Sir!--arrows--put it down! Arrows of--_drop_ it, Fido; good old dog---- And so on. Which strikes me as rather sweet and natural. A. A. M. * * * * * "SOCIETY" NEWS. The S.P.C.L.A. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Labour Agitators) has mooted a novel and, we consider, very far-seeing scheme. It is recognised now that a time must come when no State will be able to ship its undesirables to another country, for the simple reason that the available dumping grounds will gradually be exhausted or refuse to be dumping grounds any longer. That is where the S.P.C.L.A. comes in with its proposal, which is to charter or, if necessary, build a 50,000 ton liner as an ocean hotel for the unfortunate exiles. This leviathan will be coaled by lighters outside the three-miles limit and will ride the high seas for ever and a day. In the event of internal disturbances (in the hotel itself) another maritime hostelry will be chartered, until--who knows--someday we may witness the almost unthinkable anomaly of a Labour Fleet. The kindly action of the N.L.E.S.R.O. (Navvies' League for the Encouragement of Spectators at Roadmending Operations) in providing deck chairs upon the pavement at a penny an hour is universally appreciated, and it is now no uncommon thing to see a navvy taking a holiday and egging on his sturdy comrades to greater efforts from a seat marked "Deadhead." The S.P.S.K.K. (Society for the Promotion of Steam-heating in Kaffir Kraals) displayed a regrettable lack of judgment in choosing Christmas Day for the laying of its foundation pipe, Christmas being the South African midsummer. The D.M.S.P.T.O.H. (Dyspeptic Millionaires' Society for the Promotion of Their Own Happiness) is in urgent need of funds.