Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, June 3, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, June 3, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Although the last race on the programme had yet to be run the railway
station that adjoined the course was already packed to discomfort with
the crowd of those who had left early in order to avoid each other. When
the train that had been waiting drew alongside the platform there was a
considerable bustle; but the individual whom (from his costume and
general appearance) I will call the Complete Sportsman was nimble enough
to secure a corner seat in a compartment that was immediately filled. A
couple of quiet-looking elderly men, wearing hard hats and
field-glasses, took the corners on the far side and began to discuss
the day's events in undertones. They were followed by a stout red-faced
gentleman in a suit of pronounced check, a curate (at sight of whom the
Complete Sportsman elevated his eyebrows) and a hatchet-nosed individual
in gaiters who looked like a vet.
As the train started, Red-face, catching the eye of the Complete
Sportsman, smiled genially. "Nice bit o' sport to-day, guv'nor," he
observed.
The person thus addressed agreed, a little nervously.
"And why shouldn't we keep it up?" continued the other. He gazed round
upon the company at large. "If so be as no gentleman here has any
objection to winning a bit more."
Since no one offered any protest it appeared that no such prejudice
existed. Red-face, diving into the pocket of his check coat, produced
cards and a folding board. "Then here goes!" said he. "Who's the Lady
and Find the Woman. Half-a-quid on it every time against any gent as
chooses to back his fancy!"
With an air of benevolent detachment he began to shuffle three of the
cards face downwards upon the board. Still no one appeared willing to
tempt fortune. The two quiet men in the far corner, after a hasty and
somewhat contemptuous glance at Red-face's proceedings, had resumed
their talk and took no further heed of him.
The cards, fell, slid, were turned up and slid again under his nimble
lingers. "In the centre--and there she is!"--showing the queen. "Now on
the left, quite correct. Once more, this time on the ri--no, Sir, as you
say, left again. Pity for you we weren't betting on that round!"
This was to the hatchet-nosed man who (as though involuntarily) had
pointed out an obvious defect in the manipulations. Seeming to be
encouraged by this initial success, he bent forward with sudden
interest. "Don't mind if I do have half-a-quid on it just once," he
said.
It certainly seemed as though the Red-faced man must be actuated by
motives of philanthropy. Quite a considerable number of times did
Hatchet-nose back his fancy, and almost always with success. The result
was that perhaps ten or a dozen sovereigns were transferred to his
pockets from those of the bank. Even the curate was spurred by the sight
into taking a part--though he was only fortunate enough to find the
queen on three occasions out of five.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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