[Illustration: Last Saturday, while at play, a small boy had the misfortune to lose his hold of a toy-balloon. A squadron of the Army Flying Corps, witnessing the little fellow's grief, at once rendered assistance and, with the aid of a monoplane, quickly retrieved the bauble.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Lady (to elderly and confidential maid)_. "I've often wondered why you've never married, Simpson?" _Simpson (disdainfully)_. "I don't like men in any form, my lady."] * * * * * THE WILD SWAN. (Lament on a very rare bird who recently appeared in England and was immediately shot.) Over the sea (ye maids) a wild swan came; (O maidens) it was but the other day; Men saw him as he passed, with earnest aim To some sequestered spot down Norfolk way-- A thing whose like had not been seen for years: _Lament, ye damsels, nor refuse your tears_. Serene, he winged his alabaster flight Neath the full beams of the mistaken sun O'er gazing crowds, till at th' unwonted sight Some unexpected sportsman with a gun Brought down the bird, all fluff, mid sounding cheers: _Mourn, maidens, mourn, and wipe the thoughtful tears_. Well you may weep. No common bird was he. Has it not long been known, the whole world wide, A wild swan is a prince of faerie, Who comes in such disguise to choose his bride From those of humble lot and tame careers, _Of whom I now require some punctual tears_. Wherefore, I say, let every scullion-wench Grieve, nor the dairy-maid from sobs refrain; The sad postmistress, too, should feel the wrench, And the lone tweeny of her loss complain; Let one--let all afflict the listening spheres: _Deplore, ye maids, his fate with rueful tears_. It was for these he sought this teeming land, High on the silvery wings of old romance; One knows not where; he had bestowed his hand, But e'en the least had stood an equal chance Of such fair triumph, o'er her bitter peers _And the sweet pleasure of their anguished tears_. O prince of faerie! O stately swan! And ye, whose hopes are with the might-have-beens, Curst be the wretch through whom those hopes have gone, Who blew your magic swain to smithereens; Let your full-sorrows whelm his stricken ears; _Lament, ye damsels, nor refuse your tears_. Dum-dum. * * * * * _The Lady's Realm_ on a new film:-- "The cost from first to last amounted to L12,000 ... The entire cast--an enormous one, numbering eight thousand people ... visited Rome and the Nile." This decides us where to spend our holidays. To do Rome and the Nile for L1 10s. a head is not a chance to be missed. * * * * * It has been asked, "Where were the police?" Here is the answer:--