"To accomplish this distance at an average speed of 20 miles per hour would take 281/2 hours. To this time, however, had to be added the Channel crossing both ways, which takes, roughly, about eight hours."--_Motor Cycling._ "Roughly" is good, alas! * * * * * It is difficult to order our emotions as we would have them be. Try as we will, we cannot read aloud the following extract from _The Birmingham Weekly Post_ with the solemnity which properly it should call forth:-- "A feature of the programme was the opening chorus. During this a lady gardener in male attire arrived on the stage with a wheelbarrow full of vegetables, and caused amusement by throwing these among the audience. Presently the missiles commenced to hit persons, one victim, being the vicar, who, struck in the eye by a turnip, was compelled to retire." * * * * * ORANGES AND LEMONS. II.--On the way. "Toulon," announced Archie, as the train came to a stop and gave out its plaintive dying whistle. "Naval port of our dear allies, the French. This would interest Thomas." "If he weren't asleep," I said. "He'll be here directly," said Simpson from the little table for two on the other side of the gangway. "I'm afraid he had a bad night. Here, _garcon_--er--_donnez-moi du cafe et_--er"--But the waiter had slipped past him again--the fifth time. "Have some of ours," said Myra kindly, holding out the pot. "Thanks very much, Myra, but I may as well wait for Thomas, and--_garcon, du cafe pour_--I don't think he'll be--_deux cafes, garcon, s'il vous_--it's going to be a lovely day." Thomas came in quietly, sat down opposite Simpson, and ordered breakfast. "Samuel wants some too," said Myra. Thomas looked surprised, grunted and ordered another breakfast. "You see how easy it is," said Archie. "Thomas, we're at Toulon, where the _ententes cordiales_ come from. You ought to have been up long ago taking notes for the Admiralty." "I had a rotten night," said Thomas. "Simpson fell out of bed in the middle of it." "Oh, poor Samuel!" "You don't mean to say you gave him the top berth!" I asked in surprise. "You must have known he'd fall out." "But Thomas dear, surely Samuel's just falling-out-of-bed noise wouldn't wake you up," said Myra. "I always thought you slept so well." "He tried to get back into _my_ bed." "I was a little dazed," explained Simpson hastily, "and I hadn't got my spectacles." "Still you ought to have been able to see Thomas there." "Of course I did see him as soon as I got in, and then I remembered I was up above. So I climbed up." "It must be rather difficult climbing up at night," thought Dahlia. "Not if you get a good take-off, Dahlia," said Simpson earnestly. "Simpson got a good one off my face," explained Thomas. "My dear old chap, I was frightfully sorry. I did come down at once and tell you how sorry I was, didn't I?"