Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net * * * * * Punch, or the London Charivari Volume 146, March 4th 1914 _edited by Owen Seaman_ * * * * * CHARIVARIA. According to _The Globe_ Mr. YEO, in returning thanks after the Poplar election, shouted to a female interrupter; "Shut up, you silly cat, shut up!" To this, we understand, the cat retorted generously, "My-Yeo!" * * * The GABY DESLYS' tradition? Miss LOTTIE VENNE is appearing at the Criterion in a _Pair of Silk Stockings_, and Miss MARY MOORE is touring the provinces in _Mrs. Gorringe's Necklace_. * * * The KAISER has forbidden the production at Herr REINHARDT'S Deutches Theater of a play called _Ferdinand, Prince of Prussia_, on the ground that one of the characters is a member of the Prussian Royal Family. We ourselves should never have dared to hint that this fact renders the play unfit for the public. * * * Cheery notice on the window of an insurance office in New Broad Street, E.C.:-- "GUARANTEES, SICKNESS COMBINED WITH ACCIDENT." * * * Dr. DURHAM lectured last week on Explosives as an aid to Gardening; but many persons think that the quiet man who does not lose his temper gets better results. * * * Burglars, last week, broke into a synagogue at Newcastle-on-Tyne and removed practically all the articles of value, including a silver cup and a pointer. Surprise is expressed in some quarters that the pointer should not have given the alarm by barking. * * * Living artists sometimes complain that it is only the Old Masters who are appreciated nowadays. Authors would seem to be more fortunate. Take the following paragraph from _The Bedford Express_:--"On Sunday the well-known elocutionist, Mr. FREDERICK DUXBURY, visited Stevenage. He preached morning and evening at the Wesleyan Church, and in the afternoon he gave a sacred recital. His principal item on Sunday afternoon was Coulson Kernahan's 'God and the Ant,' but he included one or two lesser pieces, including a chapter from the book of Job." * * * It was stated last week in the Marylebone Police Court that there is a gang of thieves in London who do not hesitate to steal motor-cars whenever they find them unattended in the street. These scoundrels are crafty enough not to pick up the cars and put them under their arm, for they realise that this might attract attention, but they just jump in and drive off. * * * We are glad to note a renewed outcry against the unearthly noises made by many motor-car hooters. If they must run over us, the least they can do is to let us die in peace. * * * * * [Illustration: _Dad_ (_who has brought his son to the links for the first time_). "IS IT A GOOD LIE, HAROLD?"