I know our postal service, know full well, Though we have told them to what bourn we flit, How many a missive shall obey the spell Of the old false address inscribed on it. And John shall bring them. And John's heart shall swell For Harriet while he stuffs them through the slit. EVOE. * * * * * OUR LITERARY ADVICE DEPARTMENT. CANDID advice given to the literary aspirant on easy terms by an old journalist. His fame is world-wide, but he prefers to be known as THE OLD NIB. Anyone sending him threatening letters will be prosecuted. Frankly, LANCELOT, your _Passionate Pangs; or, Heart Throbs of a Retired Government Clerk_, will never bring you in a large income. You say friends have praised them highly, and you point out that TENNYSON had to wait years for recognition. Well, you must do the same. You could not have a better precedent. You have a strong grasp of a situation, BENJAMIN, and the scene where _Uncle Henry_ slips on the butter slide is quite thrilling. But you must compress a little and avoid certain faults of style. "She hove a sigh" is wrong; and I do not like "'Pshaw,' he _shouted_"; I do not think it could be done. I tried myself in my bath and swallowed a lot of soapy water. Pray be more careful. I certainly like to hear from such an enthusiastic reader as WIGWAM. His idea, of going to a fancy-dress ball dressed in a number of old copies of _Wopple's Weekly_ is excellent and, if they let him in, ought to be a great success. I hope he wins the hair comb. As to his verses I have often seen worse. With a rhyming dictionary (for rhyming) and an ordinary one (for spelling) WIGWAM should go far. ANGELINA'S poem shows a nice domestic feeling which I appreciate. In these days of Suffragettes it is not every authoress who will say-- "I like to see a familiar face And I think home is a beautiful place." But though "mother," as she says, is a very beautiful word it does not rhyme with "forever." "Other," "brother" and "smother" are the rhymes that I always recommend. LEONIDAS has made a great improvement since I had to speak to him so severely last spring. _Sly Sarah_ is quite a clever tale, and before very long LEONIDAS will find himself writing for _Soapy Bits_ and papers of that calibre. Of this I am sure. His characterization is strong, his style is redolent of _bravura_ and his general atmosphere is _fortissimo_. The character of the archdeacon might be improved; indeed, if LEONIDAS is going to send it to _The Diocesan Monthly_, I should say it must be improved. Why should he slap _Sarah's_ face? No reason is given for this, and it is surely a very questionable action. Human nature may be human nature, but archdeacons are archdeacons. By the way there is only one _l_ in spoonful. HENRY must be careful. This is the third time he has sent me his epic. There are limits.