"I say, that's a good word--I mean that long one just near the end. Did you really learn it, or did you merely come by it? But, as I was saying, red is a colour used for indicating notable events. The State considers a birth is a notable event. Birth certificates are printed in red." "And death certificates," said Clarice, "in black, I suppose?" "Yes," I said, "a delicate hint that the State feels sad." "And marriage certificates?" asked Clarice. "Ah!" I said, "that's the strange thing. Nothing may be implied really, but it is significant that they print them in----" "Purple?" said Clarice eagerly. "Verdant green," I said. * * * * * Illustration: THE NEW SHYLOCK. MR. REDMOND. "LOOK HERE, I UNDERSTOOD YOU WERE TO GET ME MY FULL POUND OF FLESH!" MR. ASQUITH (_his counsel_). "YES, YES, I KNOW: BUT IT RATHER LOOKS NOW AS IF WE MIGHT HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THREE-QUARTERS." * * * * * Illustration: MR. LLOYD GEORGE Regards MR. BALFOUR'S Attitude as Bellicose. "If every conciliatory offer put forward by the Government is to be treated in the spirit displayed by the right hon. gentleman, that is the way to promote civil war." _Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ * * * * * Illustration: THE BILL AND THE AMENDING BILL. _Nurse ASQUITH._ "Now, take the powder like a good boy." _Master BONAR LAW._ "Where's the jam?" _Nurse ASQUITH._ "Oh, that comes later." _Master BONAR LAW._ "Well, I want to see it now. What's it made of?" _Nurse ASQUITH._ "I must have notice of that question." * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) _House of Commons, Monday, May 11._--For a while PRIME MINISTER'S protest against inordinate questioning, his announcement of determination not to take part in further shorter catechism more or less distantly related to the "plot" and the "coup," had wholesome effect. As he stated, since the plot was discovered he had made seven hundred replies to friendly inquiries. A Member below Gangway to his right added the seven hundred and first. Wanted to know whether it is true that the argumentative questions crowding the notice paper are the product of a factory in the neighbourhood of Parliament Street, presided over by an official whose name suggests that he has been "made in Germany." Expeditiously turned out, as from a sausage machine, is it true that they are nicely sorted and distributed among Members of the Opposition, who in turn pelt the PREMIER with them? After brief lull epidemic breaks out afresh. Twenty-three Questions addressed to PRIME MINISTER to-day appear on printed paper. As each, with the aid of semi-colons, represents two, three, occasionally five distinct queries they reach aggregate of half a hundred. This not counting Supplementaries.