Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, August 26th, 1914Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, August 26th, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Can't they?" said Charles. "That's just the point. They do. They say to
me, 'You play golf and cricket; of course you can play tennis. Easiest
thing in the world.' Swish! swish! they go, making a ferocious
cross-hand top-lead from baulk with their umbrellas. 'That's how to do
it. You'll soon get into the way of the stroke.' 'That's just what I'm
afraid of,' I say, leaping nervously on to the table. But it's no good.
'Come round next Saturday afternoon,' they say, 'we shall be expecting
you,' and pass rapidly into the night before I can refuse."
"One can always have a sick headache," I reminded him.
"I did that once," said Charles. "I had been asked to play in a
tournament, and at dinner the next evening I sat next to the girl who
ought to have been my partner in the mixed handicaps, and we had
meringues. No, it isn't safe, and besides one might always want to play
golf. I think the best thing is to go once and trust to one's own skill
not to be asked again. Anyhow, I don't believe the Jenkinsons will give
me another invitation for some time."
"What happened?" I asked. "I suppose when they've sewn up the net and
bought new balls----"
"No, it wasn't that," he answered, with a dreamy smile. "You know the
Jenkinsons. You know how keen they are on tennis and how proud of their
court. I did everything I could to save them, but they would have me. I
said I had no racquet except the one I had used for landing trout in the
spring, and they told me I could get it restrung. I said I had no shoes,
and they told me any shoes would do. I couldn't tell them I had no
flannels, because they wouldn't have believed me. So I went. I wore an
old blue cricket cap on the back of my head: I wore long white trousers
not turned up, and I wore brown shoes."
"And your racquet?" I asked.
"I borrowed a real tennis-racquet," replied Charles; "one of those
narrow, rather wistful-looking things, with a kink in its head. I
thought it would complete the languid artistic effect and help to
convince them. It had rained a good deal in the morning, and I rather
hoped we might spend the time looking at the conservatory and have
muffins for tea. But no. When I reached the house I found that they had
decided to play. They laughed at me a good deal, of course--at my cap,
and my racquet, and my trousers, and my brown shoes. When we had taken
up our stations in the arena they told me I was to serve first. I sent
the ball high up into the air underhand and ran swiftly to the net." He
paused melodramatically.
"Go on," I said. "Was it the solar plexus or the eye?"
"No," he answered sadly, "I was unwounded; but that was the last stroke
I played. When I served that service they laughed at me again, but when
I ran to the net they ceased to laugh. They said they could easily find
someone else to complete the four. They pressed me to sit and watch for
the remainder of the afternoon. Indeed, they were quite firm about it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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