THE COWARDLY CONSUMERS CO-OPERATIVE COMPANY. The C.C.C.C. has been formed to provide for the wants of unpatriotic or panic-stricken persons in all parts of the country. WRITE TO US TO-DAY. WE HAVE MADE COMPLETE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE. A FULL DINNER-TABLE FOR YOU WHILE OTHERS STARVE. HORS D'OEUVRES.--Ensure your _hors d'oeuvres_ by allowing us to turn your bath into a sardine tank. Your basement too should make an excellent oyster bed. We would flood it for you. SOUPS.--The mock turtles we supply are quite tame, and while waiting to be made into soup should keep your children amused. We also deliver Salted Oxtail by the furlong. Send for patterns. FISH.--Try one of our Frozen Whales and assure your fish course for the next six months. JOINTS.--Sheep-folds (with sheep) supplied at shortest notice to fit your tennis court, or you might order one of our Handy Styes, which have accommodation for half-a-dozen pigs (congenial company) and are suitable for erection in a corner of any flat or private residence. SWEETS.--Our "one ton" plum puddings placed in position on your premises by our own cranes. * * * * * READ OUR TESTIMONIALS. _A Grateful Customer writes_:--"Your transformation of my boudoir into a hen-pen is quite admirable, and enables us to face the future with complete calm. As your circular reminds us, one feels more comfortable about one's country when one is safe oneself." _Another writes_:--"Many thanks for prompt attention. The night-nursery makes an excellent cow-house, and the two cows used the passenger-lift with perfect success." * * * * * WRITE US FOR QUOTATIONS FOR ANY QUANTITY OF PROVISIONS REQUIRED. So long as the order is large enough we will execute it. No orders for less value than L50 accepted. _SPECIAL NOTICE._ Our Hoarding Department has prepared a neat stocking capable of holding 750 sovereigns. Please ask to see one. * * * * * All goods are delivered in our own heavily armoured pantechnicons. A charming miniature White Feather, suitable for personal adornment, will be presented to all customers. Take no notice whatever of any warnings in the newspapers not to buy largely. Think of yourselves. It is only you who matter. Buy now; buy quantities. * * * * * From the regulations governing special constables:-- "A special constable guilty of misconduct may be suspended from duty, and, if so suspended, shall forthwith give up his warrant card, truncheon, armlet, and whistle to the police officer suspending him." What tune must he whistle to him? * * * * *