Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, December 16, 1914 — John Shaqi
Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, December 16, 1914Various
History
Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, December 16, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
The Reverend Henry was squashed; but Mrs. Sidney had a perfect right to
speak, for she has been without doubt the most persistent and
painstaking Christmas provider in the family, and has never been known
to miss a single relation even at the longest range.
"I quite agree with Henry," said she. "This is no time for Christmas
presents--except to hospitals and Belgians and men at the Front."
"You mean that you would scratch the whole lot," said I, "even the
pocket diary for 1915 that I send to Uncle William?"
"Yes, even that. You can send the diary to Sidney" (who is in Flanders).
"I have always wanted him to keep a diary."
"What about the children?" said I.
"The children must realise," said the Reverend Henry solemnly, "what it
means for the nation to be at war."
"Oh, no," Laura broke in impetuously. "How can they realise? How can you
expect Kathleen to realise?"
"Do you know," said the Reverend Henry, "that only last Sunday my niece
Kathleen was marching all over the house singing at the top of her
voice, 'It's a long, long way to Tipperary: the Bible tells me so?'
Obviously she realises."
"But what about----" Eileen was beginning.
"Let's have a scrap of paper," said I, "a contract that we can all sign,
and then we can put down the exceptions to the rule."
Henry was already hard at work with a sheet of foolscap.
"... not to exchange, give, receive or swap in celebration of
Christmas, 1914, any gift, donation, subscription, contribution, grant,
token or emblem within the family and its connections: and further not
to permit any gift, donation, subscription, contribution, grant, token
or emblem to emanate from any member of the family to such as are
outside."
"Good so far," said I.
"The following recipients to be excepted," Henry went on,
"(1) All Hospitals; (2) Belgians; (3) His Majesty's Forces----"
"(4) The Poor and Needy," suggested Eileen.
"(5) The Aged and Infirm," said I. "I only want to get in Great-aunt
Amelia. She mustn't be allowed to draw a blank."
"That's true," said Henry; "we'll fix the age limit at ninety-one.
That'll bring her in."
"(6) Children of such tender age that they are unable to realise the
national emergency," said Mrs. Sidney.
"Quite so," said Henry. "What would you suggest as the age limit?
Three?"
"Four," said Laura simultaneously.
"I should like to suggest five," said I, "to bring in Kathleen."
"Let's make it seven," said Mrs. Henry. "I can hardly believe that Peter
realises, you know."
"Stop a bit," said I. "If you take in Peter you can't possibly leave out
Tom. Make it eight-and-a-half."
"That seems a little hard on Alice, doesn't it?" said Eileen.
"Any advance on eight-and-a-half?" called Henry from the writing-desk.
And from that moment the discussion assumed the character of an auction,
Laura finally running it up to thirteen (which brings in the twins) to
the general satisfaction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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