"My Lord Mayor, my Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen----" It looked much better. "What about Baronets?" said Celia. "There's sure to be lots." "Yes, this is going to be difficult. I shall have to have a long talk with the Secretary.... How's this?--'My Lord Mayor, Lords, Baronets, Ladies and Gentlemen and Sundries.' That's got in everybody." "That's all right. And I wanted to ask you: Have you got any lantern slides?" "They're not necessary." "But they're much more fun. Perhaps they'll have some old ones of Vesuvius you can work in. Well, goodbye." And she drifted out. I went on thinking. "No," I said to myself, "I'm on the wrong tack." So I began again:-- "SOME YORKSHIRE POT-HOLES. "_Lecture delivered before the Blanktown Literary and Philosophical Society, Tuesday, December 8th._ "My Lord Mayor, my Lords----" "I don't want to interrupt," said Celia coming in suddenly, "but--oh, what's a pot-hole?" "A curious underground cavern sometimes found in the North." "Aren't caverns always underground? But you're busy. Will you be in for lunch?" "I shall be writing my lecture all day," I said busily. At lunch I decided to have a little financial talk with Celia. "What I feel is this," I said. "At most I can ask ten guineas for my lecture. Now my expenses all the way to the North, with a night at an hotel, will be at least five pounds." "Five-pounds-ten profit," said Celia. "Not bad." "Ah, but wait. I have never spoken in public before. In an immense hall, whose acoustics----" "Who are they?" "Well, never mind. What I mean is that I shall want some elocution lessons. Say five, at a guinea each." "That still leaves five shillings." "If only it left that, it might be worth it. But there's the new white waistcoat. An audience soon gets tired of a lecture, and then there's nothing for the wakeful ones to concentrate on but the white waistcoat of the lecturer. It must be of a virgin whiteness. Say thirty-five shillings. So I lose thirty shillings by it. Can I afford so much?" "But you gain the acoustics and the waistcoat." "True. Of course, if you insist----" "Oh, you _must_," said Celia. So I returned to the library. By tea-time I had got as far as this:-- "ADVENTURES WITH A CAMERA IN SOMALILAND. "_Lecture delivered before the Blanktown Literary and Philo---- _" And then I had an idea. This time a brilliant one. "Celia," I said at tea, "I have been wondering whether I ought to take advantage of your generosity." "What generosity?" "In letting me deliver this lecture." "It isn't generosity, it's swank. I want to be able to tell everybody." "Ah, but the sacrifices you are making." "Am I?" said Celia, with interest. "Of course you are. Consider. I ask a fee of ten guineas. They cannot possibly charge more than a shilling a head to listen to me. It would be robbery. So that if there is to be a profit at all, as presumably they anticipate, I shall have a gate of at least two hundred and fifty." "I should _hope_ so."