* * * * * "They drank the full-flavoured soup with scarcely a sound."--_The Story-Teller._ Another example of true British refinement. * * * * * THE OLD SEA-ROVER SPEAKS. [Referring to our victory off the Falkland Islands, the _Taegliche Rundschau_ remarks: "On board our North Sea ships our sailors will clench their teeth and all hearts will burn with the feeling, 'England the enemy! Up and at the enemy!'" The gallant bombardment of defenceless towns on our East Coast would appear to be the immediate outcome of this intelligent attitude.] Behind your lock-gates stowed away, Out of the great tides' ebb and flow, How could you guess, this many a day, Who was your leading naval foe? But now you learn, a little late-- So loud the rumours from the sea grow-- England's the thing you have to hate, And not (for instance) Montenegro. The facts are just as you've been told; Further disguise would be but vain; We have a _penchant_ from of old For being masters on the main; It is a custom which we caught From certain sea-kings who begat us, And that is why we like the thought That you propose to "up and at" us. Come where you will--the seas are wide; And choose your Day--they're all alike; You'll find us ready where we ride In calm or storm and wait to strike; But--if of shame your shameless Huns Can yet retrieve some casual traces-- Please fight our men and ships and guns, Not women-folk and watering-places. O. S. * * * * * UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER. No. XI. (_From the GERMAN CROWN PRINCE_.) MOST INTERNALLY (_INNIGST_) BELOVED FATHER,--Here in my headquarters we learnt with sorrow that you have been suffering from a bronchial catarrh. Anxious as we were at first, our minds were relieved when we heard that you had behaved very violently to those about you, for in that we recognised our good old father as we knew him from long since, and we said to ourselves that you could not fail soon to be in the saddle again with all your accustomed energy. And now comes the report that you are indeed yourself again, like _Richard III_, in our great German, SHAKSPEARE.