May I now add a few words about the War? Somehow it does not seem that we are getting on as we have been led to expect. Mind, I am not blaming anybody, certainly not your most gracious fatherly Majesty, but I must say that all the books which we were told to read showed us quite a different war, a war laid out on the system of 1870. At this stage, in 1870, everything was over except the siege of Paris and the shouting, but now we do not appear to be making progress anywhere. Why do these degenerate races hold back our holy and with-love-of-Fatherland-inspired troops? Perhaps the new MOLTKE has not been quite so sure in his touch or so triumphant in his plans as the old one--but then that ought not to have made much difference, because you and I have been there to keep him straight. FALKENHAYN, no doubt, might have been expected to do better, for you had opened your whole mind to him, but he too seems only able to knock his head against a stone wall (_seinen Kopf gegen eine Mauer stossen_) and the result is that we are everywhere getting it in the neck (_dass wir es ueberall in dem Hals kriegen_), and that process is not pleasant for a true Hohenzollern. It is possible that RUPERT OF BAVARIA has been allowed to talk too much. One CROWN PRINCE is enough even for a German army. Have you any idea what we ought to do to secure victory somewhere? I am sending you a box of lozenges, which I have always found excellent for a cough. I beg also that you will not forget how efficacious is flannel when worn next to the skin. Your most devoted Son, WILHELM, KRONPRINZ. * * * * * SEASONABLE GIFTS. I. THE MOTTLE. A new and ingenious development of the old-fashioned hot-water bottle. The ordinary hot-water bottle warms but a small portion of the bed. The Mottle, possessing a motor attachment, can be wound up and it will then travel all over the bed, diffusing an agreeable warmth everywhere. May be used as an engine in the nursery by day. _33s. 6d._ The CHESTERTON, for large-size beds, _44s. 11d._ This kind also makes an excellent gift for soldiers in the trenches. It will travel half-a-mile before requiring further petrol. * * * * * Illustration: FULFILMENT. AUSTRIA. "I SAID ALL ALONG THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PUNITIVE EXPEDITION." * * * * * Illustration: 1 THE STEAM-ROLLER (ENGLISH) AT WORK. Illustration: 2 "NOTHING, MADAM, I ASSURE YOU--DIDN'T FEEL IT." Illustration: 3 THE PATRIOTIC MIND AT WORK. Illustration: 4 "BUT, YOUNG MAN, IF YOU CAN STAND HARDSHIPS LIKE THAT, HOW IS IT YOU ARE NOT AT THE FRONT?" * * * * * LIGHT REFRESHMENT: AN INTERLUDE. BY SPECIAL CONSTABLE XXX.