* * * * * Illustration: "RUN AVAY, YOU LEEDLE POYS; DON'T GOME HERE SHPYING ABOUT!" * * * * * A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR THE QUEEN. A few days ago, when sitting in Committee on ways and means in the matter of Christmas presents, Joan and I made out that the extra taxes which we should be called upon to disgorge this year would amount to L3 16_s._ 1_d._ "That's curious!" Joan remarked, comparing our calculation with some figures on another slip of paper before her. "Isn't three pounds sixteen and a penny half of seven pounds twelve and twopence?" "It is," I admitted. "But why?" "Because last year," said Joan, "our Christmas presents cost us exactly seven pounds twelve and twopence. In other words it means that we can only afford--owing to the extra taxes--to spend half that sum on presents this year." I nodded. "Well," continued Joan, "I have a splendid idea. Our folk, I know, won't expect proper presents this year. How would it be if we----" "I know what you mean," I chimed in. "Give them half-presents! Half a lace scarf to your mother, one fur glove only to your father, afternoon-tea saucers to Aunt Emma, a Keats Calendar for 182-1/2 days to Uncle Peter, kilt-lengths instead of dress-lengths to Cook and Phoebe, and so on, all with promissory notes for the balance attached." "I don't mean anything of the sort," said Joan. "We shall give no half-presents. We shall give one whole present where it will be needed far more than by our relations. It will have a face-value of three pounds sixteen and a penny, but virtually it will represent a sum of seven pounds twelve and twopence." I coughed a sceptic's cough. "You don't believe me," said Joan. "Now, will you be content to give me, here and now, a cheque for three pounds sixteen and a penny, and credit your conscience with double that sum? Will you be willing to leave its disposal to me if I guarantee that that shall be the full extent of your liability?" "Absolutely!" I replied with enthusiasm. "Can't you arrange to settle the rates, the electric-light bill and the coal bill on the same terms?" "No," said Joan gravely, "my principle only applies to presents. Here's your cheque-book and here's my fountain-pen." "What is your principle?" I asked as I meekly complied with her demand. "What did Mr. ASQUITH say in 1912?" was all the answer Joan vouchsafed, so I decided to follow that eminent statesman's advice and wait and see. * * * When I came down to breakfast two days later Joan passed me _The Times_. "Read that," she said, indicating a paragraph in the "Personal" column marked in pencil. "The Chancellor of the Exchequer," I read out, "acknowledges the receipt of two pounds and three shillings conscience-money from----" "Oh! I've marked the wrong paragraph," exclaimed Joan. "It's the one underneath." Then I saw--