(_Sympathetically addressed to the Hamburg Colonial Institute, which "has undertaken the task of showing that Germany has conducted her operations in the spirit of the most enlightened humanity."_) In this war of the civilised nations That extends from the East to the West, Have arisen full many occasions For a man to put forth of his best; When the battle was raging its roughest, Men have spared themselves never a jot, But, gentlemen, yours is the toughest Affair of the lot. Your countrymen's road through the trenches Has not proved too easy a course, For they seem to be hindered by FRENCH'S No longer contemptible force, But their work with the gun and the sabre, Their frenzied attempts to break through, Are child's play compared with the labour Allotted to you. One fears that your gallant intentions Will meet with a general scorn, For I doubt if all history mentions A hope so extremely forlorn; But, should you succeed in acquitting The Huns and their bellicose boss, All the world will unite in admitting You merit your Cross. * * * * * War Stringency. From the catalogue of a G. W. R. salvage sale:-- "696. 2 bags tares and 1 grass seed." We have bought the grass seed and are planting it in our garden. If anybody hears of another for sale we shall be glad to know. * * * * * "ZOUAVES CARRY WOOD AT POINT OF BAYONET." _Daily Paper._ We always keep a cork tip on ours in case of accidents. * * * * * Illustration: "SEE 'IM? WELL, WHEN 'E SEZ ''OO GOES THERE?' IF YOU'RE A ENGLISHMAN YOU 'AS TO SAY 'FRIEND!' AND IF YOU'RE A GERMAN YOU 'AS TO SAY 'FOE!'" * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)