* * * * * While we are ready to grant that it is not always easy to find the apt quotation, we cannot help thinking that _The Daily Telegraph_ would have caused less offence if it had published the following paragraph without any tag at all:-- The Mayor and Mayoress of Kensington, Alderman and Mrs. W. H. Davison, held a reception at the Kensington Town trail last evening, their guests numbering between 400 and 500. Oh, how peaceful is their sleep, They who "Keating's" always keep. *** "Cheerful Company at all the Cafes. Soup to Cheese 1/-," announces an advertisement in _The Manchester Guardian_. We have heard of lively cheese before, but the chatty soup must be something of a novelty. *** "Strawberries are going out," reports _The Evening News_. We are in a position to confirm this statement. We met one out the other evening. *** According to _La France Militaire_ the French Navy is about to try the experiment of enlisting black sailors. We should say that they will be found to make the most admirable stokers, not showing the dirt like the white men. *** Describing a recent visit of a party of Congressmen and State officials to one of the teetotal battleships of the American Navy, a contemporary says, "The distinguished guests took water with what grace they could." Evidently they thought it scarcely worth saying grace for. *** The statement made last week in the course of a certain trial that "as a man grows older he becomes riper" has had a curious sequel. Orders are pouring in from the Cannibal Isles for consignments of centenarians. * * * * * THE PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE. (_The modern girl, according to a daily paper, is not to be won by love-making. She prefers a cheerful and amusing companion._) Dear, of old I swore devotion In the manner knights employed, Wrote epistles with emotion (Which I trust have been destroyed); Now at last, a practised lover, Boasting conquests not a few, I am told to put a cover On my sentiments for you. Cupid's chat is out of fashion; Sloppy words are never said; Voices once a-throb with passion Shake with merriment instead; Poets qualified to tackle Lyric metres when inspired Stoop to make the ladies cackle-- Nothing further is required. Doubtless one whose occupation Has a dull and solemn trend Might enjoy, as relaxation, Jesting with a female friend; But, corrupted by the money That my written humours bring, How on earth can I be funny For the pleasure of the thing? * * * * * _The Daily Chronicle_ on the latest submarine:-- "It will also be equipped with a quick-firing gun, which disappears when the vessel is submerged." This is far the best arrangement; it would never do for it to be left floating where any passer-by could pick it up.