_She._ Look at the fashionable ladies and their dogs! The sums they lavish on them! _He._ Oh, it's disgraceful. The Government ought to do something. _She._ I call it wicked. _He_ (_much struck with this_). You are quite right. _She._ But mind you, I'm fond of animals myself. _He._ Oh, so am I. I dote on dogs. You know, I call the horse a noble animal--that's what I call the horse. _She_ (_after a pause_). I call the camel the ship of the desert. _He._ Ah, very witty, very clever. I see you have a sense of humour. "Ship of the desert"--that's good. _She._ Yes, I don't know what I should have done without my sense of humour. _He_ (_sharply_). No more do I. _She_ (_confidentially_). You know, I think dogs should be treated _as_ dogs. They should be kept in their proper places. I like them best in the country, you know. Don't you? _He._ Yes. I think the country is the place for all animals. One sees so many there--at least in some places. _She._ I am so fond of the country. It is so restful. The old oaks and the buttercups and the village rector and the dear cows. I don't know what we should do without them. _He._ That's what I say. Where would England be without the country? _She._ Ah, yes. "Far from the madding crowd," as the poet says. _He._ Yes. What a great poet MILTON is, to be sure. _She._ Oh, delightful! And don't you like Miss WHEELER WILCOX? _He._ Of course--ripping, yes, of course. Her poems of pleasure--her poems of passion, her--well, in fact, all her poems. _She._ Quite. At this point the man broke down altogether and began to gibber. But he recovered in time to see the prize unanimously voted to the lady. This consisted of a volume of Mr. ----, but perhaps I had better not mention names; it might be liable to misconstruction. I hope I have said enough to show what a fascinating and delightful game it is. No appliances are required (as with dominoes), except one's own nimble brain; and I think Platitudes will soon sweep the country. Signs are not wanting that Clumps and Dumb Crambo are already becoming back numbers in the best circles. * * * * * "The military dirigible Koerting made the wound in the leg of Baron de Rothschild. It was found to have flattened itself against the bone."--_Egyptian Mail._ "The Koerting; so it is," said the Baron, when shown the X-ray photograph of his calf. * * * * * TOURS IN FACT AND FANCY. Tell me not of Western Islands Or some bonnie loch or ben Of those hustled haunts, the Highlands; I'm not going there again. Cease from cackling so cocksurely Of some heavenly woodland dell Where the pipes of Pan blow purely; I have sampled these as well. Do not harp upon your hollow Tales of Somewhere-by-the-Sea Patronised by Ph. Apollo; 'Tisn't good enough for me.