Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 147. OCTOBER 21, 1914. * * * * * Illustration: _The following incident has been forwarded by the Special Constable himself, but the Authorities will not permit the publication of his actual portrait:--_ _Small Boy_ (_suddenly noticing Special Constable_). "LOOK AHT! COPPER!" _Girl._ "WHERE?" _Boy._ "THERE--AGIN FENCE." _Girl_. "GARN, SILLY--FRIGHTENIN' ME!" * * * * * CHARIVARIA. "The King," says _The Manchester Courier_, "has returned all his German Orders." So much for the taunt that Britain's object in taking part in the War was to pick up German orders. * * * We hear that, in addition to lowering the lights at night, the authorities intend, in order to confuse the enemy, to alter the names of some of our thoroughfares, and a start is to be made with Park Lane, which is to be changed to Petticoat Lane. * * * The KAISER is reported to have received a nice letter from his old friend ABDUL ("the D----d"), pointing out that it is the fate of some kind and gentle souls to be misunderstood. * * * Matches, it is stated, are required at the front--to put an end, we believe, to Tommy Atkins' reckless habit of lighting his cigarette by applying it to the burning fuse of a bomb. * * * A Sikh non-commissioned officer has, according to _The Central News_, delivered himself of the following saying:--"Power is to kings, but time belongs to the gods. The Indians know how to wait." This will no doubt call forth an indignant rejoinder from the Teutonic Waiters' Association. * * * "Property insured in London is valued at L1,320,000,000," according to an announcement made by Lord PEEL last week. One can almost hear the KAISER smacking his lips. * * * At last the authorities have acted, and the premises of a German firm with concrete foundations have been raided. This bears out the promise of certain high officials who declared that they would take action when a concrete example was brought to their notice. * * * The official "Eye-Witness" in a recent despatch tells us how a British subaltern saw, from a wood, an unsuspecting German soldier patrolling the road. Not caring to shoot his man in cold blood, he gave him a ferocious kick from behind, at which the startled German ran away with a yell. This subaltern certainly ought to have figured in "Boots' Roll of Honour" which was published last week. * * * Why, it is being asked, do not the French retaliate for the damage done by the Germans to their cathedrals and drop bombs on Berlin? The persons who put this question have evidently never seen Berlin or they would know that you cannot damage its architecture if you try. * * *