His methods are quite up to date, Displaying adroitness and dash; What he wants he collects in a crate, What he doesn't he's careful to smash. An historical chateau in France With Imperial ardour he loots, Annexing the best And erasing the rest With the heels of his soldierly boots. Sikes reads the report with applause; It's quite an inspiring affair; But a sudden idea gives him pause-- _The Germans must stop over there!_ So he flutters a Union Jack To help to keep Englishmen steady, Remarking, "His nibs Mustn't crack _English_ cribs, The profession is crowded already." * * * * * Illustration: UNCONQUERABLE. THE KAISER, "SO, YOU SEE--YOU'VE LOST EVERYTHING." THE KING OF THE BELGIANS, "NOT MY SOUL." * * * * * Illustration: MORE HORRORS OF WAR. _Lady Midas_ (_to friend_). "YES, DO COME TO DINNER ON FRIDAY. ONLY I MUST CAUTION YOU THAT IT WILL BE AN ABSOLUTE PICNIC, FOR MY FOURTH AND SIXTH FOOTMEN HAVE JUST ENLISTED." * * * * * WAR ITEMS. The reiterated accusations made by Germany of the use of dum-dum bullets by the Allies, although they are not believed by anyone else, appear to be accepted without question by the German General Staff. New measures of retaliation are being taken, which, while not strictly forbidden by International Law, may at any rate be said to contravene the etiquette of civilised warfare. We learn from Sir JOHN FRENCH'S Eye-witness that numbers of gramophones have made their appearance in the German trenches north of the Aisne River. * * * * * Papers captured in the pocket of a member of the German Army Service Corps contain bitter complaints of the enormous strain thrown upon the already over-taxed railway system in Germany by the KAISER'S repeated journeys to and fro between the Eastern and the Western Theatres of War. He is referred to (rather flippantly) as "The Imperial Pendulum" (_Perpendikel_). The writer, while recognising the eager devotion with which the KAISER is pursuing his search for a victory in the face of repeated disappointment, congratulates himself that the Imperial journeys, though they are not likely to be discontinued, will at least grow shorter and shorter as time goes on. Indeed, it is hoped that before long a brief spin in the Imperial automobile-de-luxe will cover the ground between the Eastern and Western Theatres. * * * * * WORKS OF KULTUR. In some respects, apparently, the enemy has been less affected by the War than we have. While in England the book-trade has been slightly depressed, in Germany it seems to be flourishing. We give samples from the latest catalogues:-- POETRY. The most interesting volume announced is _A Hunning We Will Go, and Other Verses_, by WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN, whose _Bleeding Heart_ attracted so much attention. HISTORY.