WILHELM SCHAKESPEAR. FRANZ DRAKENBERG. DR. JOHANNSSOHN. * * * * * "An official telegram from Nish received in London states that the Servian commanders agree that the enemy all along the front is employing explosive bullets. Every soldier carries 20 per cent. of explosive cartridges." _Daily Graphic._ The fact that 80 per cent. of Austrian cartridges refuse to explode may account for the Austrian "victories." * * * * * "Whelan replied: 'Yes, I sold the beef.' The military authorities pressed the case." _Liverpool Echo._ A case of pressed beef, we presume. * * * * * Illustration: _Doctor (at Ambulance Class)._ "MY DEAR LADY, DO YOU REALISE THAT THIS LAD'S ANKLE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE _BROKEN_ BEFORE YOU BANDAGED IT?" * * * * * THE WAR IN ACACIA AVENUE. When we are not running out after "specials" we are absorbed in the mimic fight of Acacia Avenue--the desperate conflict between Mrs. Studholm-Brown, of The Hollies, and Mrs. Dawburn-Jones, of Dulce Domum. They have husbands, these amiable ladies, but the husbands are mainly concerned with the commissariat and supply department, and are neither allowed nor desired in the actual fighting line. The very day the war began, a huge flagstaff with a Union Jack of proportionate size rose in the grounds of Dulce Domum. It must have been ordered in advance. I present this fact to the German Press Bureau as showing that, at any rate, Mrs. Dawburn-Jones always intended war. But the next day Mrs. Studholm-Brown went six feet better with a flagstaff and three square yards better with a Union Jack. Then we knew that it was war to the death in our Avenue and waited for the next move in the campaign. "The Hollies" broke out into Red Cross notices; "Dulce Domum" announced itself to be the office for the organisation of local relief. One morning we rose with a sort of idea that there was an eruption in the air, and found the flags of Servia, France, Russia and Belgium waving over "Dulce Domum." That day Mrs. Studholm-Brown met me in the Avenue. She condescended to me. "Oh, could you tell me the colours of the Montenegrin flag?" I couldn't; but it was the first time the great lady had ever spoken to me. "Pink with green stripes," I replied tremblingly. The very next day seven Allied flags (including a pseudo-Montenegrin) flew over "The Hollies." Mrs. Studholm-Brown had added Japan before the MIKADO'S ultimatum had expired--which will prove to the German Press Bureau that there was a secret understanding between our Far-Eastern Ally and Mrs. Studholm-Brown. But flags were not the only things that were flaunted. "Dulce Domum" opened fire with an array of flannel shirts hung on clothes-lines across the tennis-court. "The Hollies" replied with a deadly line of pyjamas.