LATER.--A wire from Scotland confirms the news. The Union Jack is flying over the headquarters. It is felt that the great recruiting campaign has saved Britain. * * * * * Illustration: "HELLO, MARIA! STOPPED SEWING FOR TO-DAY?" "YES, SAMPSON. I THINK THERE IS MORE NEED OF MEN THAN OF PYJAMAS. I HAVE DECIDED TO PART WITH YOU, AND SHALL GIVE YOU TO LORD KITCHENER--MYSELF! GET YOUR HAT ON." * * * * * THE TIRPITZ TOUCH. (_A new nautical ballad._) They faced the winds, the waves, the fogs, For they were a gallant band, And they ventured forth, the bold sea dogs, From the bight of Heligoland. Six ships of war they steamed along, Audacious and yet discreet, When lo! on the skyline, fifteen strong, They sighted another fleet. Oh! theirs was indeed a perilous choice, 'Twas a case of fight or flee, When the captain cried in a resolute voice, "Let us fight, my lads," cried he. "Long have we panted to come to grips, And here we shall gain our wish; Moreover, I fancy that yonder ships Have nothing on board but fish." Then up spake a grizzled _Goeben_ lad, "We be far from land or fort; I should feel more safe if I knew we had A battleship in support." "There be six of us, and fifteen of them; Have a care while the odds are thus; We may rake 'em with shell from stern to stem, But they might throw herrings at us." The captain he said, "Take heart of grace; There's many a risk to run; A herring's an awkward thing to face, But it's not so bad as a gun." "My mariners all, be not afraid To venture on bold designs; Remember ye come of the stock that made The North Sea stiff with mines." "So clear the decks for a scrap, my braves, Since fight ye must and shall, Like sons of the men who rule the waves, The waves of the Kiel Canal." So all that day they fought and drank Of the battle's fierce delight, And blazed and blazed away till they sank Those trawling boats ere night. Then they steamed away, Yeo ho! Yeo ho! Brave men who had gained their wish, With lots of captives of war in tow, And any amount of fish. * * * * * The Distinction. "The members of the Cheltenham Club do not play on Sundays; the ladies and gentlemen of the Cotswold Hills Club do play on the Sabbath."--_The Homefinder._ * * * * * Illustration: HAIL! RUSSIA! * * * * * Illustration: THE LAST OF THE NUTS OF SANDY COVE; OR, HOW TO MAKE USE OF OUR STAY-AT-HOMES. _Lady in the background (also engaged in making night-wear for the wounded)._ "I SAY! I WONDER IF YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO LEND HIM TO US WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED WITH HIM." * * * * *