* * * * * Illustration: _The Small Man._ "IF I WAS AS WELL SET UP AS YOU I'D GO AND FIGHT FOR MY COUNTRY, _I_ WOULD!" _The Large Man._ "NO GOOD, MATE, I'VE TRIED IT. TOLD ME AT THE WAR OFFICE I WOULD SPOIL THE UNIFORM APPEARANCE OF ANY REGIMENT, SO I'M WAITIN' TILL THEY RAISE A CORPS OF CINEMA GUARDS." * * * * * From the Emperor of AUSTRIA'S telegram to WILHELM II.: "Words fail to express what moves me, and with me my army, in these days of the world's history." The word "Servia" might express what moves his army. * * * * * _The Scotsman_ on the condition of things in Norway:-- "Food supplies and rents are controlled by the Government, and spirits and wines cannot be purchased. Most of the English people have now left Norway." For other reasons, we hope. * * * * * "PLEASURE TOURS.--St. Petersburg from London _via_ Kiel Canal." _Advt. in "Times."_ Take your camera with you, and snap the jolly little German battleships as you go past. The result of the recent fight off Heligoland should increase your popularity.