It is all very well for America to protest her neutrality to Berlin, but how can we ignore the fact that President WILSON actually has a seat on the board of the British Admiralty--where he is known as "Tug" WILSON. He is even the author of a work aimed deliberately at us, and entitled _Der Tug_. * * * * * The superstitions of ignorant British seamen, notably the Horse Marines, whose credulity has no parallel, is extra-ordinary. Mascots are carried on all ships. For instance, no ship's carpenter will ever go to sea without a walrus. * * * * * SELECT CONVERSATIONS. (_At about three o'clock in the morning._) AT THE WAR OFFICE. _Myself._ I want to see Lord KITCHENER, please. _Policeman._ Quite impossible, Sir. _Myself_ (_coldly handing card_). I don't think you realise who I am. _Policeman_ (_much impressed_). This way, Sir. [_I ascend the secret staircase, pat the bloodhounds chained outside the sanctum, and enter._ _Kitchener_ (_sternly_). Good morning; what can I do for you? _Myself_ (_simply_). I have come to offer my services to the War Office. _Kitchener._ Have you had any previous military experience? _Myself._ None at all, Sir. _Kitchener_ (_warmly_). Excellent. The very man we want. You will bring an absolutely fresh and unbiassed mind to the problem before us. Sit down. (_I sit down._) You have a plan for defeating the Germans? Quite so. Now--er--roughly, what would your idea be? _Myself_ (_waving arm_). Roughly, Sir, a broad sweeping movement. _Kitchener_ (_replacing ink-pot and getting to work with the blotting-paper_). Excellent. _Myself._ The details I should work out later. I think perhaps I had better explain them personally to Sir JOHN FRENCH and General JOFFRE. _Kitchener._ I agree. You will be attached to Sir JOHN'S Staff, with the rank of Major. I shall require you to leave for the Front to-night. Good day, Major. [_We salute each other, and the scene changes._ AT GENERAL HEADQUARTERS. _French._ Ah, how do you do, Major? We have been waiting for you. _Myself._ How do you do, Sir? (_To_ JOFFRE, _slowly_) _Comment vous portéz-vous?_ _Joffre._ Thank you; I speak English. _Myself_ (_a little disappointed_). Good. _French._ Now then, Major, let us hear your plan. _Myself._ Well, roughly it is a broad sweeping move----I _beg_ your pardon, Sir! _Joffre_ (_with native politeness_). Not at all, Monsieur. _Myself_ (_stepping back so as to have more room_)--a broad sweeping movement. More particularly my idea is---- [It is a curious thing, but I can never remember the rest of this speech when I wake up. I know it disclosed a very masterly piece of tactics ... the region of the Argonne ... a _point d'appui_.... No, it has gone again. But I fancy the word "wedge" came in somewhere.] _French._ Marvellous! _Joffre._ _Magnifique!_ _Myself_ (_modestly_). Of course it's only an idea I jotted down on the boat, but I think there's something in it.