"He's no idiot, and his name's Peter," said Margaret. "Peter! Peter what?" "Dear old thing, I wish you'd pull yourself together, and try to realise that you have been an uncle for at least three weeks. Donald and Mabel are going to call him 'Peter'--didn't I tell you?" * * * * * "South Wales. Safe Southern shelter from shells and shrapnel."--_Advt. in "The Times."_ Just the place for our shy young sister Susie to sew shirts for soldiers in. "On the outbreak of war M. F. van Droogenbroeck, an engineer, joined the Belgian Flying Corps, and did most useful work, being complimented by his King for his invention of a new kind of aircomb." _Daily Mirror._ Our own 'air-comb is the old kind with a couple of spikes missing. * * * * * THE KEEP-IT-DARK CITY. [Even the more obscure of the American papers often contain important news of the doings of the British army many days before the Censor allows the information to be published in England.] I am told that few exploits are finer Than a battle our Blankshires have won, So bring me _The Michigan Miner_, For I'm anxious to read how 'twas done; If _The Miner_'s not easy to hit on, Get _The Maryland Trumpet_; it treats Of a story that's kept, to the Briton, As dark as the Westminster streets! As our soldiers from north of the Border Some vital positions have stormed, Put _The Oregon Message_ on order To keep me completely informed! One moment! I've just heard a rumour That the Germans' whole front has been cleft-- Quick! Rush for _The Tennessee Boomer_; Heaven grant that a copy is left! Each day in this keep-it-dark city, Officials, to us, seem unkind To censor such news without pity, But, of course, they've an object in mind; For a man, when his spirits touch zero Through a natural yearning for facts, Will enlist, and _himself_ be a hero Where no one can censor his ACTS! * * * * * [Illustration: _First Patriot._ "AH! I SEE YOU HAVEN'T YET CHANGED THE NAME OF YOUR EAU-DE-COLOGNE." _Second Patriot._ "PARDON ME, MADAM. I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF LABELLING MY NEW SUPPLY 'COLOGNE WATER.'"] * * * * * AN ESSAY IN CRITICISM. O authors, remember to join your flats! The novel was going splendidly. I had been revelling in it. I was sitting in one chair, with my feet in another, not far from the fire, plunged in the story, when all of a sudden my pleasure went.