Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 44654-h.htm or 44654-h.zip: (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/44654/44654-h/44654-h.htm) or (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/44654/44654-h.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 148 FEBRUARY 3, 1915. CHARIVARIA. "Celerity," said the German CHANCELLOR to our representative at Berlin on the eve of the War, "is essential lo us." It has, however, taken him over five months to discover what he meant by his "scrap of paper" speech. * * * As a substitute for the International Railway Time Table Conference, Germany has invited Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Austria, Switzerland and Italy to a joint conference to be held on February 3rd. Certainly something will have to be done for the KAISER'S Time Tables. They have been most unsatisfactory ever since the outbreak of the War. * * * A German paper reports that the KAISER is in excellent health now, and that his girth has distinctly increased during the War. His patriotic countrymen must be delighted at this fresh extension of Kaiser-tum. * * * The omission of the GERMAN EMPEROR to send a telegram of condolence to KING VICTOR EMMANUEL on the occasion of the earthquake has called forth severe comments in Italy. The KAISER is said to have been anxious to create the impression that he sent the earthquake himself as a caution. * * * ENVER PASHA is said to have now returned to Constantinople. His place in the Egyptian Expeditionary Force will, it is thought, be taken by REVERS PASHA. * * * The EX-KHEDIVE'S war-cry: "Geneva for the Egyptians!" * * * "The GERMAN EMPEROR," said General VON KRESSENSTEIN, the other day, in a speech to Turkish officers and men, "is a sincere father to Islam." This statement was very necessary as many Turkish soldiers, judging by their experience of German officers, had imagined that the KAISER was Islam's stepfather. * * * Articles entitled "_Unser Hass gegen England_," Mr. VALENTINE WILLIAMS tells us, continue to appear in the German Press, and a dear old lady writes to say that she presumes the Hass in question is the KAISER. * * * We are sorry to hear that a Scotch prisoner in Germany got into serious trouble for referring in a letter to the fact that he was a member of the Burns Society. The authorities imagined this to be an incendiary association. * * * Those wideawake Germans have discovered further evidence of a shortage of arms in our country. Attention is being drawn in Berlin to the fact that the London County Council has decided to defer the proposal to have a coat-of-arms until the conclusion of the War. * * * We hear that Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL is delighted at the success of his expression, "the baby-killers," which has taken on so wonderfully and promises to have a greater run even than Mr. ASQUITH'S "Wait and see." Fortunately in these times there is no jealousy between politicians. * * *