PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 148. JANUARY 27, 1915. CHARIVARIA. "Herts are doing well," reports Lord CAVAN in a letter from the Front received at Stevenage. Herts, in fact, are trumps. * * * In Germany it is now said that the KAISER will receive Calais as a birthday present. In France, however, it is said that it will be Pas de Calais. * * * The English governess whose book Messrs. CHAPMAN AND HALL have just published says of the KAISER:--"When he made a witticism he laughed out aloud, opening his mouth, throwing back his head slightly with a little jerk, and looking one straight in the eyes." It seems a lot of trouble to take to intimate that one has made a joke, but no doubt his hearers found it helpful. * * * Further details of the battle off the Falkland Islands are now to hand. VON SPEE, the German Admiral, it seems, ordered "No quarter"--to which our men retorted, "Not half." * * * An _Express_ correspondent reports from Belgium that the Germans now have a number of monitor-like vessels at Zeebrugge which have only one large gun and "sit low in the water." We trust our Navy may be relied upon to make them sit lower still. * * * With regard to the occupation of Swakopmund the _Vossische Zeitung_ now says that this proceeding of war in South-West Africa is without significance. It seems rather churlish of our contemporary not to point this out until we have had the trouble of taking the place. * * * A Berlin despatch announces that Dr. WEILL, the member of the Reichstag who entered the French army, has been deprived of his German nationality. We fear that Dr. WEILL omitted some of the formalities. * * * We cannot blame the EX-KHEDIVE for assuming that his life is of value. He is to direct operations in Egypt from Geneva. * * * "CARDINAL MERCIER BELIEF THAT HE DOES NOT ENJOY FULL LIBERTY." These headlines are regrettable. They make it possible for the Germans to say, "What's the good of giving him full liberty if he does not enjoy it?" * * * On more than one occasion lately the Special Constables have bean called out only to kick their heels for a considerable time at the local police station. There is some grumbling as to this, it being felt that they might have been told, anyhow, to bring their knitting with them. * * * _The Glasgow Evening Times_ must not be surprised if it loses a few subscribers among the members of the R.A.M.C. owing to the following answer to a correspondent in its issue of the 15th inst.:--"'18' (Falkirk)--Delicate lads are of little use in the Army. You might try the Royal Army Medical Corps." * * * With reference to the action brought by Sir HIRAM MAXIM to restrain an alleged nuisance from noise and vibration caused by a firm of builders, our sympathy certainly went out to the defendants, for who could have guessed that the inventor of the famous machine-gun would have a rooted objection to noise? * * *