Persons requiring the Loan of Children may obtain these useful aids to exemption in lots of not less than half-a-dozen (mixed), by the day, week, or month, as desired. * * * * * FLAT FOOT IN TWELVE DAYS! A GENUINE DISCOVERY. Gentlemen wishing to acquire this useful impediment may do so with secrecy and despatch on application (with fee). No _permanent_ disability need be feared, a certain cure being guaranteed within one calendar month after date of signing peace, upon payment of a further fee. * * * * * LEARN TO FAINT. One Correspondence Course will teach you this useful art in two and a half lessons. * * * * * Do you want not to go to the Front? Then try our LITTLE WHITE LIVER PILLS and you will never have another worry. _Dose:_ One, once. Sold everywhere. * * * * * HOW TO LOOK OLD. A USEFUL WRINKLE. No more worry. No matter _how_ youthful your appearance, in TEN MINUTES we can make you look AS GREY AS GRANDPA. Call and inspect our appliances. They will convince you. * * * * * Are you a MAN OF GENIUS? And young? And in perfect health? We will see that you are saved for your country. In the words of one of our exempted clients:-- "For why should youth aglow with gifts divine Be driven forth to glut the foreign swine?" * * * * * [Illustration: THE GRAPES OF VERDUN. THE OLD FOX. "YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING MUCH NEARER THEM." THE CUB. "NO, FATHER. HADN'T WE BETTER GIVE IT OUT THAT THEY'RE SOUR?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _His Fiancee._ "HE HAD VERY BAD LUCK. HE WAS KNOCKED OVER BY A RICOCHET." _Her Aunt._ "REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THE GERMANS HAD ANY NATIVE TROOPS FIGHTING FOR THEM."] * * * * * THE WATCH DOGS. XXXVII. MY DEAR CHARLES,--This letter is written in England, but the reason for my presence here is not to be dismissed in a breath or mentioned first anyhow. It is to be led up to gradually, the music being stopped and the audience being asked to refrain from shuffling their feet about and coughing when we come to the critical moment.