"At first I was fearfully upset, though convinced by the arguments of my publishers (Messrs. Longbow and Green-i'-th'-Eye). But a happy inspiration seized me as I was ascending the escalator at Charing Cross, and in exactly a fortnight I had finished another novel, entirely divorced from the present, entitled, _In Dear Old Daffy-land_. It is an idyllic story of Suffolk in the days of the Heptarchy, founded on an ancestral tradition of the Posh family. It runs to about 60,000 words, and Mr. Longbow, who read it at a sitting, thinks it the finest thing I have done." Curiously enough, just as we go to press comes a letter from Miss Miriam Eldritch, apologising for the withdrawal of her volume of poems, _Attar of Roses_, in view of the fact that one of the leading establishments for the distilling of this perfume is in Bulgaria. Miss Eldritch, however, has proved fully equal to the occasion, for by a great effort she has composed, in little over one hundred hours, a cycle of one hundred lyrics, to which she has given the title, at once alluring and innocuous, of _Love in Lavender_. * * * * * "Perturbabantur Constantinopolitani Innumerabilibus sollicitudinibus." ["Constantinople is much perturbed." _Daily Press._] In flouting Zeus and Themis, his Heart set on cheating Nemesis, The Constantinopolitan Now rues his impious blunders, And fears approaching thunders Trinitrotoluolitan. * * * * * "Gentleman's dark grey fur lined motor coat, fit fairly big man, lined with about 150 selected natural musquash skins, real Persian lamb collar, the property of a peer, in the pink of condition."--_The Bazaar._ We trust his lordship will remain so in spite of the inclemency of the weather. * * * * * [Illustration: JOB'S DISCOMFORTER. UNCLE SAM (_to JOB_). "SAY, PATRIARCH, THEY TELL ME YOU HOLD THE WORLD'S RECORD FOR PATIENCE. WAL, WE CLAIM TO HAVE GOT A MAN HERE THAT CAN KNOCK SPOTS OFF YOU!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) THE LAST CHAPTER. _House of Commons, Tuesday, 15th February._--After, on nomination of my revered master, Mr. Punch, representing Barkshire in the Commons during three reigns, under nine Parliaments, captained in succession by six Premiers, come to conclusion that I have earned the right to retire. Two ways of voluntarily vacating a seat. One by a call to the Lords. The other by application for Chiltern Hundreds. Not having heard anything about the Peerage, have adopted latter course. The MEMBER FOR SARK, loyal to the last, insists on following my example.