A bird-eating spider has just arrived at the Zoo. While its diet is commonly confined to quite small birds the animal is understood to have expressed extreme confidence in its ability to eat eagles, if only to show that its heart is in the right place. * * * "Germany's sea dogs," says the _Berliner Tageblatt_, "cannot content themselves much longer with merely showing their teeth." This is obviously unfair to TIRPITZ'S tars, most of whom have not hesitated to show their tails also. * * * The KAISER at Headquarters lifted his glass to KING FERDINAND, this being the kindliest way of intimating that he has Bulgaria on toast. * * * It is rumoured that the Government has offered the control of our anti-aircraft defences to the Office of Works, but that Mr. LULU HARCOURT has declined the responsibility, adding, however, that he will gladly repair any damage done by Zeppelins to the flower-beds in his department. * * * * * [Illustration: _V.A.D. wardmaid_, _M.A._ (_to kitchen-maid_). "I'M REALLY A UNIVERSITY LECTURER; BUT AT A TIME LIKE THIS WE ARE _ALL_ HUMAN BEINGS."] * * * * * THE WORD OF A GERMAN. YOUR troth was broken ere the trumpets blew; Into the fight with unclean hands you rode; Your spurs were sullied and the sword you drew Bore stain of outrage done to honour's code. And you have played your game as you began. Witness the white flag raised by shattered ranks, The cry for mercy, answered, man to man-- And the swift stroke of traitor steel for thanks. Once bitten we were twice a little shy, And then forgot; but with the mounting score Our old good-nature, tried a shade too high, Stiffens its lip and means to stand no more. So now, when you protest with bleating throat, And broider round your wrongs a piteous tale, Urging the Neutral Ones to take a note That we have passed outside the human pale; The world (no fool) will know where lies the blame If England lets your pleadings go unheard; To grace of chivalry you've lost your claim; We've grown too wise to trust a Bosch's word. O. S. * * * * * THE BILLETING CAPTAIN.