Mr. Bernard Shaw contributes this characteristic definition of genius:-- "Genius consists in an infinite capacity for giving pain." The Air Candidate for Mile End sends the following witty and topical epigram:-- "Mid war's alarms there is no time for cooing, But Billing may prevent our land's undoing." * * * * * "We are all familiar with the poetic words: 'There's many a gem that's born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air.'"--_Kilmarnock Herald._ Our own ignorance of this gem makes us blush (unseen, we hope). * * * * * "How To Keep Warm.--In Great Britain I think a shirt, vest and coat enough covering for the ordinary man. I wear no more." _Reynolds Newspaper._ No one who follows this advice need fear a chill. The police are sure to make it warm for him. * * * * * "When Sir Stanley (now Lord) Buckmaster succeeded Mr. (now Sir) F. E. Smith in the chief responsibility for the Bureau he made a point of betting on friendly terms with the representatives of the Fourth Estate." _Bristol Times and Mirror._ Several of them, it is well known, have been charged with book-making. * * * * * "Lady (Young) seeks Sit. in shop; butcher's preferred; would like to learn scales." _Morning Paper._ Why not try a piano-monger's? [Illustration: _She._ "And are you only just back from the trenches? How interesting! You will be able to tell us the real truth about the Kaiser's illness."] * * * * * A DUEL OF ENDURANCE. Our butcher's name is Bones. Yes, I know it sounds too good to be true. But I can't help it. Once more, his name is Bones. There is something wrong with Bones. Mark him as he stands there among all those bodies of sheep and oxen, feeling with his thumb the edge of that long sharp knife and gazing wistfully across the way to where the greengrocer's baby lies asleep in its perambulator on the pavement. Observe him start with a sigh from his reverie as you enter his shop. What is the matter with him? Why should a butcher sigh? I will tell you. He has been thinking about the Kaiser, the Kaiser who is breaking his heart through the medium of the greengrocer's baby.