"And then," pursued the youth, "for padding--though padding of course only to the experts, not to the great hungry asinine public--anything can be rendered serviceable provided that the words beneath are adroit enough. Thus, a view of Westminster Abbey would be 'The architectural jewel of England which the Zeppelins have in vain tried to bomb'; a view of Victoria Station, 'The terminus at which every day and night, thousands of homing Tommies are welcomed'; any picture of a dog or cat or canary or parrot would bear a legend to the effect that all our brave lads love pets and are never so happy as when accompanied by a favourite animal; while any maritime scene would be certainly related to a recent submarine outrage, the Almighty in His infinite wisdom and prevision having made all expanses of ocean look alike." "You are certainly," said the editor, "a very original and enterprising young man and I have great pleasure in engaging you to enrich our sheet." But when the paper came out the picture page was found to differ in no single respect from the other picture pages in the other dailies. * * * * * LITERARY REPRISALS. Nearly three years ago Mr. E. C. BENTLEY wrote an excellent detective story called _Trent's Last Case_. We now see amongst the latest literary announcements, _Bentley's Conscience_, by PAUL TRENT. This retaliation prepares us for a whole series of recriminatory works of fiction. Among those shortly to be expected are the following:-- _The Delusions of Doyle_, by ANTHONY HOPE, and _Hope's Hallucinations_, by CONAN DOYLE. _Hewlett's Downfall_, by G. K. CHESTERTON, and _Chesterton's Catastrophe_, by MAURICE HEWLETT. _The Curse of Cain_, by MARIE CORELLI, and _Marie the Malevolent_, by HALL CAINE. _Dexter Street_, by COMPTON MACKENZIE, and _The Meanderings of MacKenzie_, by G. S. STREET. * * * * * AN OLD-FASHIONED PLAYGOER VISITS A MODERN REVUE. [Illustration: "Aha! Best seat in the house. Third row of stalls--next to gangway. I'm going to enjoy myself." Act I. Scene I. Scene II. Scene III. Act II. Scene I. "I say--do you think you could change my stall for a quiet chair on the stage?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _First Clubwoman._ "I noticed you talking to that old bore. Did she get on to her ailments?" _Second Clubwoman._ "Yes. You might almost call it an organ recital."] * * * * * A TALE OF HEADS.