The Militant Suffragette who some years ago damaged the Velasquez Venus with an axe has just published a novel, of which the hero is a plumber who thought he was a poet. It ought to be called "The Burst Pipe," but isn't. *** Women are now employed on some of the railways in the North. A traveller recently had two Tommies for fellow-passengers. They related that they had every week to take a long slow duty journey which was "the limit"; but lately it had taken on a different aspect, for "_now_," said Tommy, "when you get too bored you just hop out and kiss the porter." *** Extract from a letter written to a loved one from the Front:-- "I received your dear little note in a sandbag. You say that you hope the sandbag stops a bullet. Well, to tell the truth, I hope it don't, as I have been patching my trousers with it." *** PRINCE VON BUELOW, who has been for some time in Switzerland, has obtained an increase in the number of his secretaries, of whom he now has a round dozen. Several of the poor fellows are suffering from writer's cramp through having to pen so many letters explaining that the Prince is at Lucerne purely for the sake of his health. * * * * * [Illustration: _Fiery Major_ (_discussing delinquent Subaltern_). "But there--what can you expect? He's only one of those temporary blighters!" _Colonel_ (_sweetly_). "But isn't that better than being a permanent blighter?"] * * * * * THE BATTLE OF THE PASS. ["This Bill was 'selling the pass.'"--_Sir William Byles, in the House, on The Military Service Bill_.] "What though against our sacred front They muster, miles on miles, I am resolved to stick the brunt," Said bold HORATIUS BYLES; "For Liberty I'll take my stand, Just like a stout Berserk, And still defend with bloody brand Our glorious Right to Shirk. "We've SIMON, worth four columns' length; We've REDMOND, doughty dog; THOMAS and those twin towers of strength, PRINGLE and whole-souled HOGGE; And OUTHWAITE--not our dearest foe, Bulgar or Bosch or Turk, Could wish to plant a ruder blow For Britain's Right to Shirk. "And, lastly, should the Tyrant storm The pass for which we fight, It must be o'er the riddled form Of Me, the Champion Knight; Meanwhile, on caitiffs who would keep The pledge we bade them burke, My lusty battle-cry shall leap:-- 'God and our Right to Shirk!'" The scrap was over. There he lay Prone on the reeking grass; "SIMON," his faint lips strove to say, "Somebody's sold the pass!" "True," said the other; "I descry The NORTHCLIFFE'S hand at work." "Farewell!" said BYLES; "'tis sweet to die For Britain's Right to Shirk!" O.S. * * * * * WORLD WARFARE OF THE BRITISH FLEET. What it has done in 1915. (_With acknowledgments to Mr. ARCHIBALD HURD in "The Daily Telegraph._")