DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I know you must be longing to have my analysis of the Derby figures. I hasten to comply, for I may say that I have never, since the War began, had finer scope for my individual talents. Never have I had--not even in the great Copper Controversy--a bunch of figures of which it may more truly be said that they are not what they seem, that there is more in them than meets the eye, and that they contain wheels within wheels. And first of all, Sir, I hope you will allow me to explain where I am in this matter; everybody's doing it; and you will then see at once the moral grandeur of my attitude. I am a convinced believer in the Voluntary System, always have been--on principle. But I am willing to sacrifice even that for victory. If it can be shown that by compulsion _one single man_ can be added to our forces who would not have volunteered (even if he had been scientifically bullied), I will be willing to adopt conscription. But, Sir, it cannot be shown. The crux of the situation admittedly lies with the figures of the Single Men. (In case of misapprehension I should make it clear that when I spoke above of "one single man" I did not mean one unmarried man, but one sole man). We have to begin our attack upon this figure of 651,160 unstarred single men unaccounted for. It seems a good many. But wait a bit. We shall now proceed to concentrate a powerful succession of deductions. It only needs a fearless and patriotic ingenuity. Let us not disregard obvious facts. From this number we must subtract-- (1) Ministers of religion 5 per cent. (2) Mercantile Marine 5 " (3) Medically unfit 40 " (4) Criminals 1-3/4 " (5) Badged 10 " (6) Indispensables 10 " Total 71-3/4 per cent. You see we are already getting on. But before going any further we had better consolidate the ground already won by making certain additions, in case any one man has been counted twice. These are-- (1) Ministers of religion who are also medically unfit. (2) Criminals in the mercantile marine. (3) Ministers of religion in the mercantile marine. (4) Criminals who are medically unfit. (5) Indispensable criminals. (6) Badged criminal ministers of religion. These categories taken together may be put at 7-1/4 per cent. of our 71-3/4 per cent., and must be deducted from the deductions. There are also the blind, halt and maimed, deaf, dumb and inebriate, but I am willing to throw all of them in so as to be on the safe side. So far we have to deduct, then, some 66-1/2 per cent. from our total. We must do better than that if we are to get on the right side of negligibility. So now we come to examine the canvass. A good many men were not canvassed, or at least misunderstood the canvasser. I know of one man in my constituency (unstarred, unbadged, fit, single and of army age) who thought the fellow had come to collect for Foreign Missions, to which he has a conscientious objection.