His beard as long as his hair is short, VON TIRPITZ says with a mighty snort, "We've money and men and boats; We're here to-day and we're here to-morrow; Pass up the beer and drink death to sorrow; Why, even our Navy floats! "Behind the locks of our snug retreat We hurl defiance at JELLICOE'S Fleet From Rosyth down to Dover! We look across at the wet, wet sea And we drink our beer till even we Are almost half-seas over! "Our men can eat, and they even drink; They walk and talk, and they almost think; They can turn to the left and right; And when we strike a blow in the back, Or sink a liner or fishing-smack, By Odin, they even fight!" * * * * * Two headlines that appeared side by side in the same issue of an Evening Paper:-- "WOMAN WILL PROBABLY BE TRIED IN CAMERA. GERMAN FEARS FOR LENS." * * * * * "'Most of the world's real literature was written by poor authors in their garrets.' 'Quite so. Homer, for example, wrote in the Attic.'"--_Evening Paper._ Did he now? And we were always taught that he wrote (or, rather, sang) in the Ionic. * * * * * From an article on the Clyde disputes:-- "Contrary to the instructions of the Munitions Ministry, peace-prices are sometimes reduced, with resulting friction." _Daily News._ We are glad to learn that the Scotch workmen do not belong to the peace-at-any-price brigade. * * * * * THE CONQUEST. Every January so long as I can remember it has been difficult; but this year more so than ever. I cannot say why, except that last year was peculiarly eventful and momentous. The odd thing is that one begins so well. For the first day, at any rate, one can do it quite easily; but it is after then that one has to be vigilant; and however vigilant one is there are off-guard moments when the fatal slip occurs. Nor will any mechanical device assist you, for nothing can successfully defeat the wandering of the mind. Continuous concentration is an impossibility; there is nothing for it but habit--a new habit that shall be as strong as the old--or the total cessation of all correspondence and (O that 'twere possible!) all making out of cheques. Still conquest comes sooner or later, and I have reached that point in my own struggle. I have at last finally got over the tendency to write 1915. * * * * * "As a result of the Labour Conference at Westminster yesterday, a resolution was sunk on Lake Tanganyika."--_Western Daily Press._ The best place for it. * * * * * A NEW THEATRICAL VENTURE.