And now--He wouldn't wait no more, I've helped him go, I couldn't choose; My one's another in the score Of all you've grabbed; seems like I lose. But don't you think you've done so well Taking my lad that's got but one; He'll fight for me, he'll fight like hell, And, when you're down and done, You'll curse the day you stole my only son. * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. From a shoemaker's advertisement:-- "8 years' wear! 12 hours' ease." * * * * * COMFORTING THE FOE. "Books and Magazines may be handed in at the counter of any Post Office, unwrapped, unlabelled, and hunaddressed." _Parish Magazine._ * * * * * "To be LET, FURNISHED, cosily FURNISHED COUNTRY HOUSE, offering rest, recuperation, recreation, and the acme of comfort; 10 bedrooms, 2 bath, 4 reception; stabling, garage, billiards, tennis, croquet, miniature rifle range, small golf course, fringed pool, gardens, walks, telephone, radiators, gas; near town and rail; rent L3 3s. weekly, including gardener's wages."--_The Devon and Exeter Gazette._ With a lodge, a deer park, and a "revenue of populars," this would be a bargain. * * * * * AN INFANT IN ARMS. [Illustration: On guard. The family. The family--_continued_. The Colonel! Present--arms! The danger past. Order--arms! Stand at--ease!] * * * * * HOW TO TALK TO THE WOUNDED. [Illustration: _Dear Old Lady._ "Have you two men been at the Front?" _Soldier._ "Bless you, no, Mum. We've just 'ad a bit of a scrap together, to keep fit."] * * * * * THE GRAND TOUR. I always wished to see the world--I 'ad no chanst before, Nor I don't suppose I should 'ave if there 'adn't been no war; I used to read the tourist books, the shippin' news also, An' I 'ad the chance o' goin', so I couldn't 'elp but go. We 'ad a spell in Egypt first, before we moved along Acrost the way to Suvla, where we got it 'ot an' strong; We 'ad no drink when we was dry, no rest when we was tired, But I've seen the Perramids an' Spink, which I 'ad oft desired. I've what'll last me all my life to talk about an' think; I've sampled various things to eat an' various more to drink; I've strolled among them dark bazaars, which makes the pay to fly (An' I 'ad my fortune told as well, but that was all my eye). I've seen them little islands too--I couldn't say their names-- An' towns as white as washin'-day an' mountains spoutin' flames; I've seen the sun come lonely up on miles an' miles o' sea: Why, folks 'ave paid a 'undred pound an' seen no more than me.