"They," I said, "can go out if they like, but I must go on. Francesca, may I read the lecture to you, so as to see if I've got it the right length?" "So that's what you've been driving at," she said. "Well, fire away--no, stop till I've fetched the children in. You'll have a better audience with them." "Need those innocent ones suffer?" I said. "They are young," she said, "and must learn to endure." The consequence was that all the four children, from Muriel aged sixteen, to Frederick aged eight, were fetched in and told they were going to have a treat such as few children had ever had; that they were going to hear a lecture on "Poetry in its Relation to Life"; that they must cheer loudly every now and then, but not interrupt otherwise, and that there would be a chocolate for each of them at the end. In addition Frederick was told that if he felt he really couldn't stand any more of it he was to leave the room very quietly, and that this wouldn't interfere with the chocolate. Thereupon the lecture started. At the end of the seventh minute Frederick rose, bent his body double and tiptoed out of the room. He was a great loss, for, as Muriel remarked afterwards, he represented two hundred of the audience of a thousand. The rest, however, stuck it out heroically, and danced for joy when it came to an end in one hour exactly. Frederick was afterwards discovered writing poetry on his own account in the school-room. As an illustration of the far-reaching influence of a lecture I may cite two of his stanzas:-- Summer is coming, Then the bees will be humming, Birds will be flying, And girls will be buying, And boys will be running; Oh, hail! Summer is coming. Summer is coming, Then the fox will be cunning, And all will be glad, And none will be sad, And I hope none will be mad, And I hope none will be bad; Oh, hail! Summer is coming! This may be premature and, as to the fox, incorrect, since he requires but little cunning in the summer; but there is a good BROWNING flavour about it which redeems all errors. R. C. L. * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. "There are large stocks of Tailor Costumes Ready-to-Wear, in the old reliable materials. These cannot last long."--_Provincial Paper._ * * * * * [Illustration: _Porter._ "Luggage, Sir?" _Absent-minded Old Gentleman._ "No, thank you. I have some."] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)