Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Lesley Halamek and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net * * * * * PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 150 JUNE 21, 1916 * * * * * CHARIVARIA. An "Iron Scheer" is to be erected at Cuxhaven in honour of the "victor" of the Battle of Horn Reef. It is thought, however, that lead would be more appropriate than iron for the occasion. It runs more easily under fire. * * * "I want," said Mr. ROOSEVELT, at Oyster Bay, "to tell you newspaper men that it is useless to come to see me. I have nothing to say." As however some of them had come quite a long way to see him, he might at least have made a noise like a Bull Moose. * * * Asked as to the nature of his disability, an appellant informed one of the London Tribunals that he was a member of the V.T.C. This studied insult to a fine body of men was, we are happy to say, repudiated by the Tribunal, which advised the applicant to try to join a "crack" regiment. * * * No civilians being available for the work, fifty men of the Royal Scots regiment laid half-a-mile of water main at Coggeshall Abbey in record time. This incident should finally dispose of a popular superstition that among the Scotch water is only a secondary consideration. * * * The Water Board has spent £70 in renovating some Chippendale chairs belonging to the New River Company. The poor shareholders are quite helpless in the matter. * * * On an acre of ground, a man told the Farnham Tribunal, he kept 9 sows, 34 pigs and 1 horse, and grew a quarter-of-an-acre of mangolds and a quarter-of-an-acre of potatoes. Asked where he kept himself the man is understood to have reluctantly named an exclusive hotel in the West End. * * * "The extra hour of daylight is turning every City man into a gardener," says _The Daily Mail_. This must be a source of great concern to our contemporary, according to which, if we read aright, the majority of our public men do their work like gardeners. * * * "A wave of temperance might come by sending drunkards to prison for a second offence," said Mr. MEAD at the West London Court. This remark will cause consternation in those select circles in which a second offence is usually an indication of a discriminating dilettantism. * * * "Mr. Hughes," says _The Daily Mail_, "goes to the Paris Conference with the British ideals in his pocket." Personally, we have an idea that things of this sort ought to be left in the Cabinet. * * * "This war," says _The Fishing Gazette_, "is going to provide protection to fish from the trawlers in all places where ships sink on trawling-grounds." That, however, is not the real issue, and we cannot too strongly deprecate such an unscrupulous attempt on the part of our contemporary to draw a red herring across the trail. [Illustration: PUNCTUALITY.