And it may be, when worlds have ceased to wrestle, I shall go back across the Midland foam At special rates in some large tourist vessel To my late hollow in the Sultan's loam, And there clasp hands with that uplifted warrior, Compare brief notes and wonder which was sorrier To have to call it home. * * * * * How to treat a Wife. Extract from lecture by N.C.O.:-- "Your rifle is your best friend, take every care of it; treat it as you would your wife, rub it all over with an oily rag every day." * * * * * "The court was crowded by Gaelic Leaguers and the proceedings were marked by some disorderly scenes, until the magistrates ordered their continuance."--_Dublin Evening Mail._ Then, of course, being in Ireland, they ceased. * * * * * A Provincial Paper, reporting a speech upon heroes of the present War, represents the speaker as referring to "Bill Adams in Leigh Hunt's poem." This is the first time within our knowledge that our old friend _Abou Ben Adhem_ has been confounded with that other popular figure, the fictitious hero of Waterloo! * * * * * [Illustration: THE NEW FRIGHTFULNESS. _Admiral von Tirpitz_. "PIRACY IS DEAD. STILL, I LIKE TO THINK THAT, UNDER ANOTHER NAME, THE GOOD WORK GOES ON." [Berlin contends that, piracy being extinct, the arming of liners and merchant vessels is no longer legitimate, and that German submarines are therefore entitled to sink them at sight. The New Frightfulness is due to begin to-day.]] * * * * * A STRONG SOUTH-EASTER. I have been having further trouble with my neighbour, Petherton, whose place adjoins mine, being divided from it by a hedge. Beyond the hedge lies Petherton's small paddock, where his poultry amuse themselves, and, beyond that, Petherton's house and garden. But, however good a fence may be, it will not keep out, or keep in, smells. Therefore when Petherton engaged in apparently chemical operations giving off the most noxious gases I was rapidly forced to the conclusion that he ought to have a different kind of boundary between his property and mine, and also that the air of our neighbourhood no longer rivalled that of Bexhill, especially when the wind blew from the south-east. Wishing to remedy this state of affairs without recourse to unpleasant measures, I sat down to write to Petherton. Dear Petherton,--These continual south-easterly winds portend rain, I fear, and so I hope you have wrapped your parsnips up to protect them from the probable excess of moisture which is so injurious to all such plants.