"Lady, 45, domesticated, Protestant, furniture, wishes Correspondence with Respectable Widower and Bachelor; view matrimony."--_Southport Visitor_. One of the two gentlemen will have to be content with the furniture. * * * * * A CURE FOR DEPRESSION. Moments there are of transient gloom When life for me appears to lose Its rosy aspect and assume The turnip's pessimistic hues; As when o' mornings, gazing out Across my patch of fog-grey river, I feel a twinge of poor man's gout Or else a touch of liver; Or when, forgetting WATTS'S rhymes On puppy-dogs that bark and bite, _The Westminster_ attacks _The Times_, Starting a most unseemly fight; Or when I find some Labour sheet Still left at large to boom rebellion, Or hear the thin pacific bleat Of "my hon. friend" TREVELYAN; When enemy craft career above, Unchallenged (till they've had their fling); Or Little Willie's vernal shove Anticipates the dawn of Spring; When Neutrals want an open door Kept wide for their commercial dealings, And we must risk to lose the War Rather than hurt their feelings. Such moments, making Hope look bleak, And Courage turn a little blue, Even with hearts as tough as teak May well occur; but, when they do, This thought will readjust your bile And prove the best of appetisers:--? _Would I exchange_ (here's where you smile) _Our chances with the KAISER'S?_ O.S. * * * * * UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER. No. XXXV. (_From Enver Pasha._)