* * * * * "What is needed is that we should have on each of the main lines of our overseas communications at least one ship that is faster than anything else afloat."--_Manchester Guardian_. Is it not extraordinary that the Admiralty should never have thought of this simple device? * * * * * From a theatre programme:-- "All the Male Members of the above Company are either attested under Lord Derby's Scheme, or are otherwise Ineligible for Service." The erroneous impression that to be attested is the short road to ineligibility has evidently spread from the platform to the stage. * * * * * FOR THEY ARE JOLLY POOR FELLOWS. [The fine example of patriotism shown by the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge throws into painful relief the action of some of the obscure remnant, including College Fellows, who have excused themselves from service or adopted an attitude of superior detachment in relation to the War.] You Intellectuals of Cam and Isis, Pale phantoms in the dawn of Freedom's light, And you that in this hour of England's crisis Haven't the conscience (or the heart) to fight; You cosmopolitans without a country, Who go aloof on philosophic quests, Sucking the fruit of knowledge from the Hun-tree And spiritual milk from alien breasts; False to that Brotherhood, who for the splendour Of a great cause, with gallant hearts and gay, Of youth and youth's high promise made surrender, Because their courage knew the nobler way; I envy not your chance on their returning; When, scarred with war, they come from overseas, There should be trouble in those Seats of Learning Where you sat tight and took your pedants' ease. Short shrift you'll get for your convenient scruples; Conducted thither where the wet stream winds You shall receive as elementary pupils An object-lesson good for little minds. Somewhere about the Guts of Cam and Isis, May I be well in front to see you then Taught by immersion what the local price is To pay for being prigs instead of men. O. S. * * * * * PHILOGAMUS. (_A Socratic Fragment_.) "... It is plain, therefore," said Socrates, "that the man whose soul is afflicted with illness will desire above all things to have it cured as quickly as possible, and for this purpose he will submit himself to one who understands the curing of souls. So far, I think, we are agreed, are we not?" "Yes, indeed," said Agathon, "that would appear to be the wisest course." "Then why," said Socrates, "do we find that men who are generally eager to be cured of an ague are indisposed to take care of their soul when it is manifestly suffering? You yourself have declared that your soul is sick within you, yet you consult nobody and take no steps."