"We now come to the Light Sussex Long-furred Goatlings. These can be kept in hutches, which may be obtained at any oil-shop at about fivepence per pint. Grasp firmly by the wings when lifting, and explain the matter to your solicitor. Short-haired Pouters should be housed in kennels which have been thoroughly disinfected with peat-moss, cod-liver-oil emulsion and a good face-powder. A little boracic ointment rubbed well into the roots before breakfast is also to be commended. With regard to the Squirrel-tailed Borzois, during the period of weaning try bicarbonate of soda, one scruple; sal volatile, one drachm; to be taken every calendar month from date of contract." A large, genial man, with an official manner--he was, I discovered, the under-superintendent--approached, and the haggard man moved rapidly away. "A painful case," I observed. "Very," said the large man. "Journalist of the name of Criddle--Jabez Wilberforce Criddle. He used to run the Gardening section of _The Sunday Helio_. Then the chap that was responsible for the 'Legal Advice' was called up, and Criddle got his column as well as his own. Next, the 'Poultry Gossip' man went, and they gave Criddle that, and when a week later the 'Cookery Notes' woman took up V.A.D. work he got her share too. He struggled along gamely enough until 'Auntie Gladys,' who ran 'Our Baby' column, became a tram-conductress; but, when they passed him that, his mind went, and the proprietors sent him here." I inquired as to the possibilities of recovery. "There is hope," said the large man, "that the trouble may not last beyond the duration of the War. But we shan't feel that we've made a fair start until we've cured him of getting up in the night and tapping his artificial teeth with a button-hook. He fancies he's dictating 'Answers to Correspondents.'" * * * * * Clerical Candour. "In order to satisfy my mind I spent over two hours in a certain cinema ... Frankly I was disappointed. I saw nothing which could in any way be called indecent." _The Rev. F. H. GILLINGHAM, in "The Weekly Dispatch."_ * * * * * [Illustration: AN UNEASY CONSCIENCE. "WELL, I'M OFF TO MY DRESSMAKER'S. I CAN'T SIT HERE ANY LONGER BEING ECONOMISED AT BY THAT GIRL'S CLOTHES."] * * * * * THE WORLD SET FREE. (_An awful prospect._) Long, long ago, when I had not attested, I prized the liberties of this proud race, The right of speech, from haughty rulers wrested, The right to put one's neighbours in their place; I liked to argue and I loved to pass Slighting remarks on Robert, who's an ass, To hint that Henry's manners were no class, Or simply say I did not like his face.