Roll up, rally up! Stroll up, sally up! First and last performance. If you want to see it, _allez_ up! Come and sit where "Archibalds" won't get you in the neck (If it's getting sultry you can take a pass-out check). Come and hear the Corporal recite his only joke; See the leading lady slipping out to have a smoke; Sappers, cooks, flag-waggers, Dhooly-wallahs too; Come and hear the Raggers In their "Mud and Slush" revoo. * * * * * Commercial Candour. "The perfume _par excellence_ ... unapproached and unapproachable." _Advt. in Provincial Paper._ * * * * * "GERMAN FOOD CRISIS. ATTEMPT TO CONGEAL THE TRUTH AS TO SHORTAGE."--_Buenos Ayres Standard._ The Huns are so economical that they put even Truth into cold storage. * * * * * "Cheery messages come through from General Townshend. He is sewing vegetable seeds and has asked for gramophone needles." _Lloyd's Weekly News._ The ordinary kind being unsuited for such delicate stitchery. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Tuesday, February_ 29th.--Mr. LLOYD GEORGE announced to-day that the Members of the Cabinet had decided to take one-fourth of their salaries in Exchequer Bonds. Murmurs of applause followed, and before they had died away Mr. HOGGE launched his great joke. Leading up to it with the remark that Exchequer Bonds can be sold the next day, he asked, "Would it not be a good idea to call them the Laughing Stock?" Mr. HOGGE is not one of the chartered jesters of the House so his _jeu d'esprit_ just caused "a laugh," as the reporters say, and nothing more. On the Third Beading of the Consolidated Fund Bill Sir JOHN SIMON renewed his attack upon the Military Service Bill. The tribunals, he declared, were disregarding the appeal of the widow's only son; the Yellow Form, of which the late Home Secretary takes the same jaundiced view as he did of the Yellow Press, was being sent out indiscriminately to all whom it did not concern: the War Office had issued a misleading poster; and everywhere men were being "bluffed" into the Army. He himself would have been inundated with correspondence if he had not had the happy inspiration of diverting the flood into Mr. TENNANT's letter-box. Passionately he called upon the Government not to imitate Germany's brutality. Mr. LONG, suave as usual, deprecated Sir JOHN SIMON'S ferocity, reminded him that all cases of hardship could be considered by the Appeal Tribunals, and promised to investigate the cases that had been mentioned. "May I send in my list too?" asked Mr. WATT. But Mr. LONG, unwilling to share the fate of Mr. TENNANT, suggested that the SECRETARY FOR SCOTLAND would form a more appropriate dumping-ground for Mr. WATT'S _dossier_.