Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, March 8, 1916Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, March 8, 1916
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
William Smith (31) stated that he was the President, Treasurer and
Secretary of the Anglo-Chinese Industries Association, Limited, and
urged that unless he was exempted the company must inevitably go into
liquidation, there being no one else familiar with its business.
Answering a question by the Chairman, applicant stated that the company
was formed to do a general mercantile business, but that at the present
time its activities were confined to manicuring Pekingese pugs. Asked
whether this work could not be done by women, applicant stated that it
had been tried, but that women seemed to get on the nerves of the dogs,
causing their hair to fall out. The application was refused.
An appeal was made on behalf of George W. Hopper (18), an employee of
the West End Delicacy Company, a concern engaged in the business of
supplying steak-and-kidney puddings to the large hotels. These
delicacies, the Secretary of the company explained, weighed about a ton
each, and Hopper was the only man who was strong enough to lift them out
of the ovens into the delivery wagon.
_A Member of the Board._ That is just the kind of man they want in the
army.
The Secretary of the company stated as an additional ground for
exemption that Hopper had a wooden leg and bronchitis. He was put back
one group to give time for medical treatment of leg.
James Ponks (19), who appeared somewhat dazed at his surroundings,
explained in a confidential whisper that he was the caretaker of the
municipal macaroni beds in Regent's Park. Asked if he would not like to
fight for his country, he replied that he would, only MARTIN Luther had
appeared to him in a dream and ordered him to go into the dressed
poultry business. Referred to the Medical authorities.
Jim Bounce (30) stated that he had a conscientious objection to
fighting. He didn't like the Germans, but recognised that they were his
spiritual brothers.
_A Member of the Board._ Where did you get that cauliflower ear?
Owing to the unsatisfactory nature of the applicant's reply his appeal
was refused.
Arthur Small (35), proprietor of a fish and chips emporium, stated that
he was a widower and the sole support of his mother-in-law, two married
sisters-in-law, their husbands and their thirteen small children.
_The Chairman._ It seems a clear case for exemption.
Applicant hastened to explain that he did not ask for exemption as he
felt that his first duty was to his country. He would like, however, a
week in which to say good-bye to his relations by marriage. The request
was granted, the Chairman stating that the attitude of Small, who was
sacrificing everything for duty, did him the greatest credit.
* * * * *
[Illustration: HAVEN.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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