Yes, they were sorry for me. The table was pushed into the window and became a waterworks of importance. The invidious part of the alien enemy fell to Lillah. It was admitted that she could glare best. "Besides," said Phyllis, "Lillah can make growly noises come up from her tummy." The complete Hun, as you perceive. Phyllis became a "special," while I was her sergeant, the star part of the piece. But the show was a frost, though Lillah gave an excellent imitation, with the aid of a toy spider, of a Hun inserting bacilli into the nation's _aqua pura_. Yes, I'm afraid I was the failure. I couldn't get to grips with my part, and the whole thing was so obviously a charity performance, with Phyllis ordering herself sternly about to try and help me through. We were halfway through the second house when a well-known step was heard on the stairs. Lillah turned, her eyes ablaze with worship. Phyllis trembled with excitement. As I sat down I couldn't help thinking that we grown-ups are just a little absurd. There is more than one thinks in the relativity of things. Adoration? George was never going to get anything like it again in this world. My mind mused on ambition. Why, the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER himself---- The door-handle turned and I heard the small voice of Phyllis in my ear. "Mummie says," she whispered, "we can't all be great." Nice little maid! Then we all lined up to receive the Sergeant. * * * * * [Illustration: _Mother._ "NO, BETTY DARLING, I CAN'T BUTTON YOUR BOOTS FOR YOU. NOW YOU HAVE A LITTLE SISTER YOU MUST LEARN TO DO THINGS FOR YOURSELF." _Betty._ "SHALL I _ALWAYS_ HAVE TO DO FINGS FOR MYSELF?" _Mother._ "YES, DARLING." _Betty._ "THEN I DON'T FINK I SHALL LIKE LIFE."] * * * * * "TURKISH COMMUNIQUE. Constantinople, Saturday.--On the Canadian front there were outpost duels and local fighting at several points. These skirmishes are still going on."--_Evening Paper._ Forthcoming volume by Sir MAX AITKEN--_Canada in Turkey._ * * * * * From a description of a new enemy aeroplane:-- "The whole machine is armoured, and the supper part is shaped like a reversed roof." _Provincial Paper._ Trust the Germans for looking after the commissariat. * * * * * AN EMBARGO ON INK. Great Public Meeting. Mr Runciman, President of the Board of Trade, having stated that the Government was following up its restrictions on the importation of paper by drastic new rules concerning our supplies of ink, a public meeting of protest was immediately called. Mr. T. P. O'Notor, M.P., took the chair, and he was supported by many of the most illustrious ink-men of the day.