"Blowed if _I_ know!" was the reply. "'Abit, I expect. Lay still, will you?" But Mr. Blagg, being exceptionally muscular, struggled with such violence that the issue seemed very doubtful indeed till Louisa rushed in to the rescue and, disregarding her employer's protests, succeeded in getting hold of the revolver. * * * * * "It was lucky for you," remarked Mr. Plapp, after Mr. Blagg had been forcibly removed by a couple of constables, "that I had the presence of mind to telephone to the police station. I really thought once or twice that that dreadful man would have got the better of you." "And no thanks to _you_ if he didn't," grunted the soldier. "I notice that, if your conscience goes against lighting yourself, it don't object to calling in others to fight for you." "As a citizen," Mr. Plapp replied, "I have a legal right to police protection. Your own intervention, though I admit it was timely, was uninvited by me, and, indeed, I consider your presence here requires some explanation." "I'd come up to tell you, as I told your good lady 'ere, that me and Louisa got married this morning, as I was home on six days' furlough from the Front. And she'll be leaving with me this very night." "But only for the er--honeymoon, I trust?" cried Mr. Plapp, naturally dismayed at the prospect of losing so faithful and competent a maid-of-all-work altogether. "Although I cannot approve of this marriage, I am willing, under the circumstances, to overlook it and allow her to remain in my service." "Remain!" said Louisa's husband, in a tone Mr. Plapp thought most uncalled for. "Why, I should never 'ave another 'appy moment in the trenches if I left her _'ere_, with no one to protect her but a thing like _you_! No, she's going to be in the care of someone I can _depend_ on--my old aunt!" "I don't like losing Louisa," murmured Mrs. Plapp, so softly that her husband failed to catch her remark, "but--I think you're wise." F. A. * * * * * [Illustration: _First Slacker (to second ditto)._ "WELL, NO ONE CAN SAY WE'RE NOT PATRIOTS. WE'RE NOT KEEPING ABLE-BODIED CADDIES FROM JOINING THE ARMY."] * * * * * A Dangerous Quest. "Lost, at Bestwood, Saturday, Irish Terrier Dog, finder rewarded, dead or alive."--_Provincial Paper._ * * * * * [Illustration: _Sergeant._ "'ERE, WHAT ARE YOU FALLING OUT FOR?" _Excited Cockney._ "SEE THAT PIGEON? I'LL SWEAR 'E'S GOT A MESSAGE ON 'IM!"] * * * * * SCREEN INFLUENCES. The plea, "I saw it at the Cinema," may be offered by others than those of tender years in excuse for vagaries of conduct.