E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, Keith Edkins, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 16107-h.htm or 16107-h.zip: (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/1/0/16107/16107-h/16107-h.htm) or (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/1/0/16107/16107-h.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI VOL. 158 JANUARY 14TH, 1920 CHARIVARIA. The Premier, says a contemporary, has become greatly attached to a white terrier puppy that he brought with him from Colwyn Bay. The report that it has been taught to run after its own tail by Mr. LLOYD GEORGE himself is probably the work of malice. * * * Our heart goes out to the tenant of an experimental wooden house who is advertising for the assistance of the man who successfully held up a post-office in London about a fortnight ago. * * * A London carman is said to have summoned his neighbour for calling him an O.B.E. We are sure he could not have meant it. * * * "The most hygienic dress for all boys is the Scots kilt," says a correspondent of _The Daily Mail_. "My own boys wear nothing else." We are glad to see that the obsolete Highland Practice of muffling the ears in a cairngorm has been definitely discarded. * * * According to a contemporary a new form of road surface material, which is not injurious to fish, has been produced by the South Metropolitan Gas Company. The utilisation of some of the deeper cavities in our highways for the purpose of food production has long been a favourite theme of ours. * * * "Having a tooth drawn," says a writer in _Health Hints_, "has its advantages." It certainly tends to keep one's mind off the Coalition. * * * Two men have been charged at Sutton with selling water for whisky. People are now asking the exact date when this was first made an offence. * * * At the present time a missionary costs twice as much as before the War, says the Rev. W.J. FULLERTON. Many a cassowary has been complaining bitterly of the high cost of this comestible. * * * A new tango will be danced for the first time on January 15th, says _The Daily Express_. For ourselves we shall try to go about our business just as if nothing really serious had happened. * * * Asked by the magistrate if her husband had threatened her, a Stratford woman replied, "No; he only said he would kill me." Almost any little thing seems to irritate some people. * * * It appears that, after reading various references about his trial in the London papers, the ex-Kaiser was heard to say that if we were not very careful he would wash his hands of the whole business. * * * There is a lot of wishy-washy talk about the Bolshevists, says a Labour paper. Wishy, perhaps, but from what we see of their pictures in the papers, not washy. * * *