From the _dramatis personae_ in a Malta opera-programme:-- "Singers, Old Beans, and Abbes." The "old beans" no doubt were drawn from the local garrison. * * * * * "The old wooden streets which survived in the more ancient parts of the capital [Petrograd] have, on account of the lack of fuel since the Bolshevists became all-powerful, been torn down and demobilished."-- _Daily Paper_. The last word in destructiveness. * * * * * "The standing joint committee of the Industrial Women's Organisations have passed a resolution unanimously endorsing the action of the Consumers' Council in opposing the decontrol of meat."--_Daily Graphic_. The "standing joint" committee would seem to be the very one for the job. * * * * * [Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES. HOW TO APPEAR BEAUTIFUL THOUGH PLAIN:--SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SPECIMENS OF THE LATEST ART.] * * * * * DRESS OF THE DAY. "BATHROOM TOILETTES. "This season balls and dances, both private and public, are being given in greater numbers than ever."--_Local Paper._ * * * * * "A couple of ciphers, followed by a string of noughts, represents Germany's debt to France. And it looks as if the noughts are all France will get in the present generation."--_Evening Paper._ But it is possible that under pressure Germany might throw in the ciphers as well. * * * * * "LOST AND FOUND. "ADDRESS BY THE LORD ADVOCATE. "Will the party who took the wrong Umbrella from the Ante-Room, Music Hall, kindly return same in exchange for his own to ----, Music Hall?" --_Scotch Paper._ An odd address for the LORD ADVOCATE. * * * * * "Wells' 'History of the Universe' describes the slow disappearance of certain species, taking hundreds of thousands of years to do it."-- _Daily Paper_. In an age of hustle it is gratifying to find one eminent author approaching his work with due deliberation. * * * * * THE PROFITEER'S ANTHEM. "The Hymns to be sung will be: (1) 'All people that on earth do well.'..."--_Rangoon Times._ * * * * * From _Surplus_, the official organ of the Disposal Board:-- "PORK AND BEANS. "16 oz. tins (15 ozs. Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork); 21 oz. tins (20 ozs. Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork)." So the question which vexed many billets on the Western Front is now answered. There _was_ pork in it. * * * * * [Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND. "YOU'RE IN LUCK, MY BOY. THEY'VE IMPORTED A GENUINE MEXICAN BANDIT FOR YOUR KNIFE-FIGHT SCENE IN 'BAD HAT, THE HALF-BREED.'"] * * * * * MY FIRE.