"But I'm _sure_ it says nothing about slacks," she objected. "Comprehensive!" I shouted. "That means all-embracing. This policy embraces my slacks." "That sounds almost indelicate." "Listen. 'Whereas the undermentioned, hereinafter called the Accused--the Assured, I mean--has paid blank pounds, shillings and pence Premium or Consideration ... to insure him/her from loss or damage by Lightning, Explosion, Earthquake, Thunderbolts ...'" "Oo-er," said Suzanne with a shiver. "'... Aeroplanes, Airships, and/or other Aerial Craft, Storm, Tempest, Subterranean Fire ...'" "Monsoon, Typhoon, Volcano, Avalanche," put in Suzanne impatiently. "Cut the cataclysms and come to the slacks." "I'm just coming to them. '... Burglary, Housebreaking, Theft and/or Larceny'--now hold your breath, for we're getting there--'Conflagration and/or Fire....'" I paused to let it sink in. "The fact is," I continued weightily, "we've had a Fire." "Have we? But I wasn't dressed for it. I should have worn a mauve _peignoir_, and been carried down to safety by a blond fireman. To have a fire without a fire-engine is like being married at a registry-office. Next time--" "Nevertheless, we've had a Fire, within the meaning of the policy. Now I'm going to write a letter to the Insurance Company." And I did so to the following effect:-- "77, _The Supermansions_, _S.W._ "DEAR SIRS,--I regret to inform you that a fire took place at/in the above demesne and/or flat after tea to-day and damaged one (1) pair of khaki slacks/trousers so as to render them unfit for further use. I shall therefore be glad to receive from you the sum of two guineas, the original cost price of the damaged article of apparel. "Yours, etc." Next day I took Suzanne out to buy the new hat. This done, we went on to my tailor's to replace the ill-starred slacks. A casual inquiry as to price elicited the statement that it would be four guineas. I cut short a rambling discourse, in which the tailor sought to saddle various remote agencies with the responsibility for the increase, and stamped out of the establishment with the blasphemous vow that I'd get a pair ready-made at the Stores. That evening I received a reply from the Insurance people:-- "In all communications please quote Ref. No. 73856/SP/QR. "SIR,--We note your claim for garments injured by an outbreak of fire at your residence. We await the reports of the Fire Brigade and Salvage Corps, on receipt of which we will again communicate with you. Meanwhile, will you kindly inform us what other damage was done? "We are, yours, etc." I at once wrote back to remove their misapprehension:--