Mr. J.H. SYMONS, the Weymouth draper novelist, has told a _Star_ reporter that he only writes novels for a hobby. This sets him apart from the many who do it with malicious intent. * * * A referee has lodged a complaint against the Football Club on whose ground he was assaulted by several spectators who disagreed with his decisions. Although sympathising with him we fear his attempt to rob our national game of its most sporting element will not meet with general approval. * * * It is generally expected that, owing to the number of deaths from whisky poisoning which have occurred of late, America may decide to go dry again. * * * It is reported on good authority that Mr. C.B. COCHRAN will visit America daily until the signature of DEMPSEY'S manager is obtained. * * * LENIN, says a contemporary, has completed his plans for the overthrow of civilisation. It seems that all our efforts to conceal from him its presence in our midst are doomed to failure. * * * "A search for combined beauty and brains," says _The Daily Mail_, "has been instituted by _The Weekly Dispatch_." We gather, however, that a good circulation will also be taken into consideration. * * * According to the Technical Secretary of the Civil Aviation Committee a vehicle has been designed which is equally at home in the air, on land, on the water and under it. It is said to be distinguishable from Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL only by the latter's eloquence. * * * We understand that certain members of the betting classes have demanded that the starting price for coal should be published each day in the early evening papers. * * * * * [Illustration: SCENE.--_Miles from anywhere._ _Tammas._ "COULD YE OBLIGE ME WI' A MATCH, SIR?" _Stranger._ "I'M AFRAID I'VE ONLY GOT ONE." _Tammas._ "AY--SHE'LL DO."] * * * * * A TRIUMPH OF REALISM. From a publisher's advertisement:-- "'FALLING WATERS.' 'Not a dry page in it.'" * * * * * THE NEW POLYGAMY. "The bride... carried a handsome bouquet of harem lilies."--_Local Paper_. * * * * * THE BENEFITS OF PEACE (_as they appear to be viewed by certain unofficial guardians of public morality_). When Peace superseded the strife and the stress Which the public regard as a gift for the Press, It was feared in the quiet that followed the storm, With nothing to do but retrench and reform, That the Town would be painted a colourless tint And the printers have nothing exciting to print. That fear was unfounded, I'm happy to say, And red is the dominant tone of to-day; So far from incurring a shortage of news While the place is made fit for our heroes to use, We cannot remember a rosier time; We have rarely enjoyed such an orgy of crime.